


The Last Human

by ShadowArtemis4456



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werecreatures, Alternte Universe - Some Canon Divergence, F/M, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Mages and Templars, Mages vs. Templars, Only the OC is human, Red Lyrium, Red Templars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-06-18 02:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 30,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15475752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowArtemis4456/pseuds/ShadowArtemis4456
Summary: Astria understands one thing better than anything in the world: Being alone. Astria has a had time opening up to those around her and when she finds herself somehow transported directly to every DA fans dream world Thedas, she finds opening up to everyone is going to be ten times harder than ever. Why? She’s literally the only true fucking human there as everyone in this Thedas is a were-creature. Between the fact that she the only pure human in a world of were-creatures and that one, in particular, is constantly being a major pain in her ass, Astria is fucked. Or at least she thinks she is until she comes to realize that these werecreatures she's worried about, end up being literally her closest and greatest of friends. Sometimes those we believe to be monsters aren't actually monsters at all.





	1. Prologue

_"You will never be good enough."_

_"Why can't you be more like your sister?"_

_"Why do you even bother trying? You will never be as good as your sister."_

The voices of those she called her family echoed in her mind as the young woman finally made it back to the apartment she shared with her best friend in the whole shitty world. "Rough day?" The ever familiar and sisterly voice of her best friend questioned the moment the young woman stepped into the living room. 

"Apparently there is nothing I can do to prove to my so-called "family" that I don't need to be compared to my sister," the young woman went and collapsed face first onto the couch as her friend came walking out of the kitchen with a frown, " _Why do I even try?"_ Tears stung the eyes of the young woman whose voice was muffled by the pillows on the couch as her friend shook her head before an idea struck the other woman. 

"Hey! I have an idea Astria!" The young woman, Astria, turned her head to look at her friend. "Why don't we go out and get our hair colored as well as treat ourselves to some of the best pizza around?!"

"What would that accomplish?" 

"Aside from the fact that your "galaxy" hair is growing quite dull," As if to prove a point Astria's friend came over and lifted some of Astria's dulling purple and blue hair, "I heard that there is a place has a few things from the Dragon Age Inquisition game for sale so we can add to our collective," She waved over to the "Dragon Age Wall" and Astria smiled. The "Wall" had Dragon Age everything on it, from the shelves with the books and copies of the games, to the maps from the games, as well as little memes that they had found so cute or funny that they just had to print off, or even (and this was surprising to both) posters for the games. There was so much Dragon Age stuff on that wall and the shelves upon that wall that Astria was surprised that the wall was still standing.

"Alright Variel," Astria turned to her friend who had a grin on her face. Looking towards Variel, Astria couldn't help but smile, unlike Astria who stood at a whole whopping five foot three, Variel stood at least six inches taller. Astria was also considered extremely pale when compared with her friend who seemed to always have the perfect tan despite never having stepped foot in a tanning salon. Their hair, however, was not the natural colors they had been born with. Astria tended to dye her dirty blonde hair purple with dark and light blue highlights to make it look like a galaxy, while Variel dyed hers red, orange and yellow. Both had been told by completely random strangers that their hair often complemented their eyes and both young women could understand that with Astria seeing as how her eyes ranged from dark to light blue, but Variel's eyes were a mossy green which neither could understand how her fiery colored hair complemented her eyes, but hey they rolled with it.

"Go get changed!" Variel shooed Astria away to her room where Astria was swift to change into her usual black long-sleeved shirt, black jeans, and black leather boots. Soon Variel and Astria left their apartment and headed to Variel's white SUV which was parked right next to Astria's Dodge Ram half-ton truck. If their personalities, hair color choices and outfit choices didn't scream "opposite as night and day" then the vehicles did. Variel was a happy go lucky person who just seemed to brighten up anyone's day, but Astria was darker in mood; Variel knew exactly why her friend was the way she was as it had taken exactly three years for her to get the other woman to open up about her past and now Variel was hellbent on ensuring her friend was kept out of the shadows of the darkness in her mind and the best way she had found out to do that was their common love for the Dragon Age series.

"Hair first then food then go check out those items?"

"Sure!" Astria nodded as both women entered the SUV and made sure to buckle up before Variel began to back up the SUV.

"Let's go!"

****

 Astria studied the amulet in her hands with a frown. The man who had been selling the items he had handmade as representations for the latest installment of the Dragon Age series, had given her and Variel both amulets as thanks for taking the items off his hands and now, as Astria looked the crescent moon shaped amulet over she shook her head and put it back on as Variel asked a question. "So Astria? If you could show up at any point in the DA timeline, when would you like to appear?"

"A year or two before the end of DA two." 

"Okay, haven't you also said that you would like to also be in an alternate universe version of Thedas where everyone is a were-creature of some kind?" Variel asked as Astria grabbed one of the two replica staves. "Are we sure these staves are replicas?"

"They may be or they might not be. It would be interesting to see what kind of world it would be like in the least to say. A bit frightening but interest- **_What in the living hell?!_** " Astria asked as both her amulet and Variel's began to glow along with the crystals on the staves, then suddenly blinding white light came from all four things and Astria felt a forceful push propelled her backward and she lost consciousness as she felt her back and head hit something hard.


	2. One

_"You are safe now, child. Your wish was fulfilled. Your dream come true. Awaken and see your new home."_ The voice was gentle, almost mother-like as it urged Astria to awaken and with a slight groan, Astria slowly came back to her senses.

Opening her eyes slowly, she saw a ceiling above her but it took a moment for her to realize what it was as she was quite disorientated from hitting her head as hard as she had. She felt someone place a hand on her shoulder and turned to see someone sitting next to her but for the life of her, she did not remember who the man was as she looked him over, "Take it easy, you hit your head and back pretty hard on some boulders. It's good you have awoken." 

 _You can trust this one, he will protect you from them..._ A voice whispered to Astria as she made to sit up and with the man's help she managed to sit up, slowly and painfully. 

"Where am I?" She questioned as she closed her eyes for a moment as she felt a dizzy spell fall over her. Suddenly she felt something run through her and opened her eyes to see the man pulling away as his hand dimmed from a strange greenish light. 

For a moment he sat there looking confused then spoke, "You are in Kirkwall, or well rather you are at my estate in Kirkwall. I'm Garrett Hawke, by the way."

"Astria," she told him closing her eyes again as he frowned. 

"An Interesting name," Garrett watched her as she frowned and opened her eyes to stare at her hands.

"It was...my grandmother's name," She told him softly. 

"I'm sorry," Garrett felt sorrow fill his heart for her. It became apparent that speaking of her grandmother hurt her in a small way and he felt bad for bringing it up. 

"Don't be. She was a good woman and I am proud to be named after her," Astria opened her eyes to look towards him. "Though most of my family would tell you otherwise..." She looked away again.

"Didn't live up to their standards I take it?"

"Hit the nail on the head." 

"I take it they didn't like your hair either?" he teased as she blushed slightly. 

"I...um... Well...not really..." Astria couldn't tell if it was the type of tease that was a flirt or a tease as he tried to make her smile but either way it worked and she smiled. "Do you have an issue with it?" She asked in return and watched his smile turn into a grin. 

"Not at all. I think it brings out your gorgeous eyes and sets you apart from everyone else in that mystical way."

"Okay now your flirting with me aren't you?"

"Maybe just a little."

 _This one likes you more than just "a little"._ The voice spoke up as Astria looked to Garrett to see that he had eyes that were almost amber in color.

"Tell me something: Are you purely human?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" She met Hawke's eyes and for a brief moment saw a possessive look pass in them. 

"A pure human..." he whispered softly as he studied her. "Yet..." he leaned forward, stretched out his hand and stopped short. "May I?" He questioned as she nodded with brows furrowing together in confusion.

He placed his hand on her arm and sent a bit of energy into her.  _Magic. You and he share that in common. He is a mage and so are you._ The voice returned and this time he heard it. 

"You are favored by a spirit!" he looked at her with shock, before he launched into what he was and what everyone else in this world was too. "A pure human favored by a spirit such as yourself... your kind is so rare that it's considered legendary! But...you... your not from Thedas are you?"

"N-no..." Astria finally felt fear creeping up on her and he sensed it.

"Hey, hey, hey, easy. I'm not about to turn you over to the Templars," Garrett told her as he pulled his hand away. "In fact, I would fight them to keep you safe. But," Garrett frowned as he explained a way he would best be able to keep her safe, "...that is if you are willing."

"What would be needed for it?" She asked as Hawke smiled. 

"Not much, a bit of blood, some lyrium, and someone to be witness to the pact being made this way the Templars can't claim you for themselves and bind you to someone who would harm you." 

"Can I...can I have a moment or two to think about it?" 

"Of course, I won't rush you into something like that." Garrett nodded as he sat back, "If you would like, I can go get you something to eat while you think it over."

Astria only nodded and he soon left, once she was alone Astria looked to see that there was a mirror on the dresser and was shocked at what she was seeing. She still looked the same, well everything except her hair was the same. Where it had once been cut short it was now between her shoulder blades, yet the colors in it were exactly the same and there was no trace of the former blonde it had been since her birth.  _A new beginning has started for you, you have left your old life behind. This is who you are now, child._

 _Who are you?_ Astria asked of the spirit who continued to whisper to her.

_I am a friend, and I was drawn to you due to the compassion in your heart._

_Are you a Spirit of...Compassion?_ Astria questioned as the spirit seemed to smile.

 _I am but I am nothing like the one you will meet in time. I am connected to you through the fade, I will always be here should you need me._ With that, the spirit quieted and Astria sighed.  _That one is coming again, take up his offer. He can protect you from them._ Suddenly Astria looked towards the door and saw Garrett entering the room again. Once she was eating, he asked her some questions that she answered carefully and then she turned to him. 

"The spirit and I spoke again."

"Oh?" Garrett raised an ebony brow and Astria nodded.

"She? I think its a she as that's what I hear when it speaks to me, but she suggested that I do the pact with you as you can keep me safe is what she tells me." Garrett nodded in understanding and reached out to take her hand. He squeezed her hand with a soft smile. 

"I can and I will keep you safe," he promised as she wondered if he would be able to keep that promise while also wondering how difficult the pact would be to make.

****

As it would turn out the pact was simple and easy to do but there was a bit of a downside to it if it could be called a downside. Because the ritual for the pact had called for the blood of both parties, Astria had found that not a moment after it was made she could hear Garrett speaking with her through the link almost telepathically and boy did he enjoy every minute of it, and secretly she did too. Especially when the Knight-Captain of the Templar Order from Circle located here in Kirkwall was "watching" over her, like this rainy day. Despite the fact that Hawke had called it unnecessary, the Knight-Commander had been persistent and thus it was the Knight-Captain's job to "babysit" her while Hawke was away for a week. She felt a nudge in her mind and opened her side of the link while closing her eyes to see what he could see and heard the words he spoke telepathically. _Did you see that pile of wyvern shit I was looking at?_

_What about it?_

_It reminds me of the Knight-Captain._ At that Astria laughed a bit too loudly and had to cover her mouth as the spoken of person looked up from the book in his hands and raised a brow in question. 

 _You are such an ass,_ She thought back towards Hawke who she could tell had a shit-eater's grin on his face. 

_You enjoy it, don't lie._

_Yes, I do, now go back to that hunt._

_Before I do, is there anything you want me to bring back?_ She had to think on that for a moment.

_There's nothing in particular that I can think of, so suprise me._

_Alright, I will see you in a few days._ With that their link closed and Astria shook her head before she returned to her doodles. 


	3. Two

It was the eve of Garrett's return from Orlais and Astria found herself waist-deep in a not-so-friendly argument with the Knight-Captain who had finally decided to jump head-first off the bridge to her last nerve. "Why don't you go jump off a fucking bridge?" She growled low at him. She knew he was a were-creature, she wasn't sure what kind and didn't care to know at that moment, but she was not about to back down. She felt Garrett trying to get her to open the link but when she didn't, she realized that he could sense the rage coming from her and he rushed home to stop the impending explosion he knew was coming, what she didn't know was that he was in his half-beast form and was literally _flying_ back to prevent anything bad from happening. 

As the Knight-Captain was about to retort with something Garrett came walking in, bare-chested which had both stopping all thoughts as they watched him come walking in. "Knight-Captain, just what is the cause of my Astria's rage?" he questioned as Astria found it damn near impossible to draw her attention away from the fact that Garrett was positively _ripped_. Not like body-builder ripped but ripped in the way that if any other woman had seen him at that moment, they most likely would have swooned with how toned he was. Astria, however, just couldn't seem to return the train of her thoughts to the rails and was pretty sure it had crashed and exploded; she watched as Garrett looked to her and smirked.  _You looked ready to kill him._

_Did you just seriously claim me as yours?_

_You are, aren't you? Maybe not in the sense of being my girlfriend, but you are mine._

_Point taken. What are you trying to get at?_

_Just trying to defend what is mine. By the way, I will be speaking with you later, I brought something back for you that I think you will absolutely love._ Astria raised a brow but then dismissed herself so Hawke and the Knight-Captain, who she still hadn't bothered to learn the name of, could talk and went to her room to undo her ponytail and was preparing a bath when Garrett strode right in. "So I was right to compare him to a pile of wyvern shit?" 

"I'm so glad you worked with me on being more open when you walk in and I'm about to get undressed." Astria sighed as Garrett smiled. 

"Glad to help," He smiled as she turned to him with a brow raised. He continued to smile as he finally strode over to her and kissed her forehead before kissing both of her cheeks. “I’ll let you get to that bath, but once you’re out, come find me in the library.” 

“Alright,” She nodded as he left the room. 

_That one cares deeply for you._

_Been a while since I last heard from you, are you well?_

_I am fine, thank you for asking._

_You’re welcome and yes Garrett does care for me. Is that bad?_

_Not at all, it just means he is better able to protect you._

_Protect me from what?_

_Them._ That was all the spirit would give her before it quieted once more leaving her to her bath and thoughts. Once Astria was clean, she went to find Garrett and soon snuggled up on the couch next to him after receiving her gifts from him, one of which she really did love. 

“You’ve never had affection before have you?” He asked softly as she felt him pull her closer. 

She shook her head slowly as he looked down at her, “My parents and family weren’t the kind that gave the gentle affection that you have shown. I wasn’t their favorite, therefore I wasn’t deserving of affection.” 

“Younger or older sibling?” 

“Younger sibling received the affection.” She knew what he was asking and he shook his head. He had learned through the link that Astria craved cuddles and now he knew why and so made it a point to show her the affection she needed and allow her to cuddle with him on the couch as it was called for. She stayed there curled up under his arm until she fell asleep and he soon carried her to her bed with a tender smile that spoke volumes on how much he cared for her. He couldn’t be in a relationship with her, the pact they had made ensured that, but he could be there for her for as long as needed. Or at least, until the dumbass Knight-Captain finally worked up the courage to admit that he wanted her for his mate. Shaking his head as he tucked her in, Garrett continued to smile down at her and, leaning forward, he kissed her forehead once more. Nothing short of the Void itself could keep him from protecting her fragile heart.

****

Astria felt alone for the first time in four years. Garrett had been forced to pull a vanishing act, which left her quite lonely despite the link they shared and she could tell that he hated having to basically abandon her. Right now as she sat curled up on a chair in the office that used to belong to the former Knight-Commander, she felt that loneliness keenly despite the fact that the now former Knight-Captain was in the same room as her. He hadn’t bothered to speak to her and for once she was sad about that, even as she slipped into sleep. Soon enough she felt his hand touch her shoulder and slowly blinked awake to see that they weren’t the only ones in the room anymore. “Lady Astria?”

“She’s a pure human!” The newcomer to the room gasped as Astria still seemed out of it. 

“She is, but she is bound to Hawke, though trust me I’ve asked her where he is and she can’t tell me as she’s not even sure.” The former Knight-Captain kept his hand on her shoulder. “Lady Astria you should probably go lay down.” 

“Don’t want to...” she muttered as her eyes fluttered closed again, allowing her to slip back into the Fade as he shook his head. She wasn't sure what all was exchanged between the two, nor did she really care as right now she and the spirit that accompanied her were having a rather lovely chat when she felt someone disturbing her slumber, again.

 _It is a friend, the one named Varric I believe. Wake up and see what he wishes to tell you._  

Opening her eyes she noted that the spirit was correct and saw Varric smiling at her, “Come on Cuddles, We are getting out of here.” 

“Where are we going?” Astria questioned with a yawn as the dwarf (that what she had learned his race was called) smiled towards her. 

“To a place called Haven,” He told her softly as she uncurled and stood to stretch out her limbs. “Once we are on the boat I’ll take you to the room you’ll be staying in during the ride across the sea and you can sleep the whole way to Ferelden.” Varric promised her as he began to lead her out of the office and in the general direction of the docks. She felt Garrett sending his love for her through the link and she sent hers right back. She missed cuddling up to him and he missed having her cuddled up to him as there was just something about having her close that made him feel almost complete. Granted he had a lover, but both he and his elven half, enjoyed have her snuggled close as it allowed them to protect her and somehow for Garrett’s elven lover, Fenris, it gave him a more wolf pack sense of mind and just as protective as Fenris was with Hawke, he was just as, if not more so, protective of Astria. As if thinking of both of them summoned him, Astria turned to see Fenris appearing out of nowhere to walk beside her. 

“You are leaving?” 

“I wish I didn’t have to, but Garrett did put the Knight-Captain and Varric in charge of protecting me, so where they go I have to as well. Thought I’m not happy about it in the slightest,” She frowned as Fenris watched her yawn. 

“I will be checking on you throught the link, whenever I get the chance.” Fenris informed her as she nodded. 

“I would expect nothing less nor more from you,” then as an afterthought, “I will miss you...” 

Fenris turned to look at her, his white hair glistening in the sunlight as his green eyes studied her. “If anyone tries to mess with you I will know and will be at your side before you know it. I may not have had a pack where I came from, but you and Hawke are my pack now, and no one messes with what is mine.” He told her softly before taking her by surprise and hugging her, of which she returned. “If you ever need me, just open the link and give me a nudge, I will answer when I can.” 

“I will and thank you Fenris,” Astria smiled as he returned it before leaving her with Varric, who ushered her towards the boat they would be takig to Ferelden. Astria noted that the Knight-Captain was there but ignored him in favor of finding her room which she was swiftly led to, and once the door was closed, she went straight for the bed and curled up on it to fall asleep to Garrett’s thought-voice as he lulled her to sleep.


	4. Three

_Bubbling was heard as Astria and Variel worked in the shop and attached greenhouse, or well Variel was working while Astria was eating some leftover soup that Variel had made the night before. "So Astry?"_

_"Hmn?" Astria hummed as she reached over to flip the page of the logbook that kept track of things they had to order as the plants wouldn't grow in the nursery._

_"Your parents... Will we ever see them?"_

_"I wouldn't think so," Astria told her friend before taking a bit of potato. "Might have my grandma come by sometime as I told her of this place."_

_"That would be nice, I've heard you mention that she loves teas, herbs, spices as well as fruits and veggies of all kinds."_

_"She does and she's probably one of the best to judge the quality of those things before she buys any of them," Astria took another spoonful of soup. "Did we remember to order the passion and dragon fruits?"_

_"SHIT! I knew I was forgetting something. Can you fill out a sheet for those?"_

_"I'll do one better," Astria told her setting down the half-empty bowl. Taking up her "favorite" pen she filled out two sheets and snagged the phone from where it was sitting to dial the numbers for the sellers of those two fruits. After they were ordered, Astria wrote down the price for them and Variel looked over her shoulder._

_"Damn... Those are getting expensive."_

_"I know, now will you buzz off!" Astria swatted at Variel who giggled as she moved away from Astria's hand while Astria returned to her food after putting everything away. "Mind the front, I need to go rinse this container."_

_"Will do!" Variel nodded as Astria disappeared towards the back to clean out the container, that her food had been stored in. "Hey, Val?"_

_"Yo?"_

_"Did either of us pull out the roast?" Astria asked as she put up her dish to dry._

_"I think so? Let me check." With that Variel checked on her phone and called back to Astria. "Yep. I made sure to pull it out or I wouldn't have checked it off my checklist. Why what's your plan with it?"_

_"Roast beef sandwiches, with the meat being thinly sliced, with that melt in your mouth provolone cheese as well as some of  that homemade French dip that the Italian bread will soak up."_

_"I love you..." Variel was all but drooling at Astria's suggestion and Astria grinned. When Astria cooked something Variel often invited her parents over so they could enjoy Astria's cooking. "I'm inviting Mom and Dad over."_

_"I figured you would." Astria smiled as she returned to the books. What Astria didn't realize was that someone was watching this memory and was smiling with a tenderness._

"She seemed so happy, why did she want to leave?"

 _She was not._ The spirit, Compassion, spoke as it appeared next to the person.  _She was hurt, angry and lost. She was all but abandoned by her parents, seen as unfit to take over the family business. it was only by pure chance she and her friend Variel met._

"What drew you to her?"

_Her heart. She has compassion for all living things. Even in that world, her compassion called to me as she loved everything and everyone._

"Which makes me wonder. Will she show that same compassion here in Thedas?"

 _She has and will._ With that, the spirit vanished and the man, who was Garrett, continued watching the memory until she felt someone waking her slowly. As she woke, Astria found herself curled around a pillow in the middle of her bed when she felt someone place their hand on her shoulder. “Lady Astria,” the voice was that of the Knight-Captain and she tightened herself around the pillow. She didn’t want to wake up and her reluctance to wake up amused the man greatly. Eventually, she did wake up and once she was dressed she followed the Knight-Captain, or rather the Commander as he was now known as (which the armor he now wore was very reminiscent of his armor from the game), to the docks and then down to the stables where Varric was already mounting up. "Have you ridden on a horse before?" The Knight-Capt-err Commander- asked as Astria looked over to him. 

"The last time I rode horseback was when I was sixteen or seventeen, so it's been a while," Astria told him before she spotted two horses standing near each other with stablehands holding the reins. One she could see was a beautiful mare that she felt a pull to, while the other was a proud stallion (most likely a warhorse from the way he held himself) yet Astria's eyes seemed to go straight back to the mare who was now watching her with curiosity. When the Commander told her that the mare was the one Astria would be riding on to get to Haven, Astria went straight to the horse and held out her hand for the horse to rest her nose in and the mare did. Astria felt the mares warm breath run along her hand and half-way up her arm. Studying the colors of the mare, Astria could see the snowy main coat color of the mare, saw how pearly the mane, tail and white stripe on the mare's face was, but it was when Astria met the golden eye of the mare that she just _knew_. There were no words to describe the sensation that raced through her mind at this moment, but somehow, someway, Astria knew that this mare had been waiting for her and would accept no other rider so long as Astria lived. What neither the mare nor Astria saw was the smile that was on the Commanders face as he recognized the signs of a horse having finally met the one they deemed worthy to ride them. AS the Commander walked over to his stallion, he turned his head to tell her to mount up only to see that she was already a step ahead of him as she flung herself into the saddle of the mare. Looking over to him, Astria noted his raised brow and tilted her head slightly, "What?"

"Nothing," He smiled as he hopped into the saddle upon his stallion, then guiding the stallion over to her, the Commander removed something from a saddle bag and was swift to throw it over her shoulders. When she looked at him with confusion, he was swift to speak, "Bear fur cloak. Haven is in the mountains and the Frostbacks are freezing this time of year." He told her as she nodded in understanding, "And you are still considered Nobility due to your connection to Hawke. Therefore you must look the part of traveling nobility." He heard her groan at that and offered a sympathetic smile before they turned their horses and rode in the direction that they would be traveling to Haven in.


	5. Four

To say Haven was freezing would have been a great understatement. Haven was beyond being a frozen landscape, it was a frozen HELLscape and Astria was all the more miserable for it. Deciding that her best bet to say warm would be to either stay in her little cabin, in the tavern, in the Chantry (when called for) or hover around the fires; and it was near the fires where the Commander would find her as she was curled up into a ball under the cloak he had given her and listened in as she began cursing out the weather, and the cold that came with it. “Freezing fucking cold ass gods damned frozen hell is what this is!” She muttered under her breath as she heard the Commander chuckle. “Go fuck yourself!” She snapped at him as he watched her with a smirk. 

“I am sorry but you are just adorable curled up like that.” 

“I hate you...” she grumbled at him as he continued to smirk down at her. She shot him a glare before standing and heading towards the Healers tent with him right on her heels. 

"I'm sorry," He apologized as she continued walking. 

"You are forgiven," She told him, "Now buzz off, I have work to do." She told him as she entered the tent and smiled at the usual healers, her mentors, who could be found in here.

"There you are, Astria!" A familiar male voice spoke as she turned to see Adan, glancing up from something. "We need your aid over there," He motioned towards a sick patient, "He's being a stubborn fool and you may be his best chance at getting better." 

"Very well," Astria nodded before walking towards the man who began groaning as he tried, and failed at keeping her away from him. "Easy," She whispered softly as his eyes met hers, "I only want to help, but I need you to co-operate with me and tell me what is wrong." She urged him gently as the man sighed and told her of his symptoms. As he did, she began to pour gentle magic into him to find the source of his pain and smiled. "It's just a simple cold, but you are lucky. Colds can often become worse if not treated properly. Stay here and get some rest, I will have someone bring you some broth and some tea to help speed up your recovery." She smiled towards the man who nodded before passing out.

Turning away Astria walked over to the next patient, helped to ease some of the pain the person was experiencing and continued this pattern until Adan called her over to speak with her. "I don't know how you manage it, but I am glad you have such a natural ability for this."

"Thank you, I think?" 

"Are you sure you weren't born a natural healer?"

Astria shook her head, "Where I come from people were..." her brows came together as she tried to find the right word, "...unsettled... by me and my outward appearance so I worked in a little shop with a greenhouse behind it where my former best friend and I sold and cared for different plants." Adan looked at her with sorrow in his eyes for a moment, before reaching out and touching her shoulder.

"Well whatever your past, I, for one, am glad to have you here. your presence is much appreciated with the soldiers and other patients as you just have this natural knack for getting them to listen." He smiled as she chuckled. Eventually, she left and the Commander was waiting for her outside of the tent. She looked to him for a moment before walking in the direction of the nearby and frozen lake to clear her thoughts; it was a daily ritual for them now. The Commander would wait for her near the door of her tiny cabin just outside of Haven, escort her to the healers tent after he made sure she ate, then he would arrive and wait for her to finish her work before heading to the lake where he would finish training the soldiers while she sat on the dock and cleared her thoughts. Though he wasn't needed to escort her around, he knew that just by being around her, Astria seemed more at ease. As he trained the recruits most days, he would sometimes manage to “sneak” a glance over at her and as he checked up on her now he saw her sitting there just staring at the mountains. He had figured out pretty quickly that she would usually get a faraway look on her face if Hawke was speaking with her through their link and he watched as she snort and shook her head, which confirmed his suspicion. Hawke was speaking with her, about what he couldn’t say but the yawn she gave told him it probably wasn’t as entertaining as Hawke thought it was. But then suddenly Astria seemed to jump into alertness and he turned full bodied to where she leapt up. Her eyes were scanning for something towards the temple and suddenly, he felt and heard it. His head turned in the direction she was watching and watched as the area just beyond exploded.


	6. Five

Time flew by too swiftly for Astria to even think as now there was an increase of wounded who were flooding the healer’s area and Astria was kept busy every day. Keeping a careful check on both her hours of sleep and the amount of mana she spent trying to heal people, Astria often found that she thought very little of anything else, even the times to eat seemed to meld into a situation she was all too used to: eat a little bit in a short amount of time then go right back to work. When she finally returned to her cabin, she found a rather familiar yet unfamiliar face awaiting her and wondered what this man (or rather an elf) wanted. “Can I help you?” She questioned as he turned to look at her, she immediately identified him as not just an elf but a werewolf as well. 

“Are you Lady Astria?” 

“I am, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” She asked as politely as she could. She was tired and just wanted sleep, she could hear Garrett nagging at her through their link but wisely chose to tell him about her unexpected guest. 

“I am Solas,” he introduced himself swiftly, he could sense that she was in no mood to speak at length with him and so he cut right to the chase. “I was wondering if you might be able to help me with something.” 

Astria crossed her arms, her patience was wearing thin. “That would depend on what that something was,” she replied still trying to keep her temper and not blow a fuse. 

“Well, it more like I would like a recommendation on a drink. A tea if you will.” At that Astria studied Solas carefully with a raised brow. “I have heard you make the best calls when it comes to teas and would like your opinion on what kind would be best for me.” 

“Alright,” she nodded before launching into her questions which he answered as earnestly as possible, then she made her recommendation and he left her alone as she entered her cabin.  She felt Garrett “poke” her and so opened the link to allow him in. _Yes?_  

 _What do you know about him that you're not telling me?_ Garrett pried into her immediately and she sighed.

_He’s the so-called Dread Wolf, Fen’Harel if you will._

_So he’s not just a story..._ Garrett’s voice trailed away for a few moments as he digested that carefully. _What else?_

 _He wants to tear down the Veil and may end up destroying the entire whole of Thedas if he does._ She could swear she heard Garrett’s jaw drop at that as his surprise echoed back to her in a jumble of unintelligible words, she could almost feel the hint of rage like the aftertaste of a cinnamony drink that finally had decided to bite back. He said several things but just as suddenly as it came, Hawke’s anger deflated like a balloon with a hole in it. They spoke for a while longer and then she planted face-first into her soft pillow on her bed and allowed herself to be carried away into pleasant dreams as the Spirit of Compassion (who by now Astria had dubbed as Lyra much to the spirit’s surprise and entertainment) protected her dreams. 

****

The next day would find Astria walking towards the Chantry when she was intercepted by the Commander, “Come with me,” he told her as she wondered what had him on edge and where he was about to lead her too. When they were alone, just behind the Chantry and out of sight, he turned to her, “Are you alright?” He questioned as she frowned. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She asked before he took her wrist in his hand and pulled back her sleeve to reveal bloodying bandages which caused his brow to knit together. 

“Astria.” 

“I’m fine. A patient was frightened and managed to swipe at me with a knife. He got my arm but I am fine.” She told him as he looked into her eyes, scanning them for anything but when he saw nothing out of the ordinary (minus the clear signs he saw that signaled her lack of rest) he released her wrist and frowned. 

“I don’t want you working until that’s healed, understood?” 

“But-!” 

“No buts or I will drag Hawke and Varric into this as I know Hawke can hear me.” When she went to protest again, it was as if the Commander had summoned Garrett himself and she felt his worry as he demanded to know what happened to his girl. She swiftly let him in on the accident and she knew she would not be able to win this argument from either end. 

“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do between now and then?” She inquired a bit more harshly then she had intended. 

“Rest and make sure you eat.” He told her swiftly as she glared at him but he stood firm in his standing. Before she could argue with him Varric stepped in. 

“Hey, Cuddles, why don’t you come with me for a moment? I think I have something that might interest you. Turning Astria went over to Varric while the Commander watched her. She would hate him for it now but he was sure in time she would thank him, and if not she would at least be a bit more mellow towards him. Later on, after night fell, Astria would find herself sitting just outside of her cabin and looking up at the stars while the town and camp grew quiet around her. Closing her eyes she allowed the calm of the night to wrap itself around her as if it were the wings of a large yet gentle bird; it was peaceful and that was one thing she enjoyed most of all when it came to the nighttime hours. Opening her eyes Astria continued to watch the stars as the clouds lazily rolled on by, or atleast she did until a thought struck her.

Standing swiftly she disappeared into her cabin and retrieved several items that she always kept on hand: her moon amulet, her staff, several small bags filled with things she knew she would need here in a moment that all fit into one larger bag, her cloak and a few other things such as a cup, mortar and pestle, and a bowl. Frowning she wondered just where she could go to do what she was about to when she felt Lyra nudging her towards the door, she looked around for a moment then left the cabin to follow Lyra’s nudging until she came to a little clearing where the light of a tiny fire wouldn’t be as noticeable. Laying her staff gently on the ground, Astria felt the cool touch of the stone of her amulet and soon set about gathering twigs to lit a small fire. “I hope this will work,” She whispered as she lit the twigs and sticks alit. She could feel they eyes of someone on her but Lyra told her who it was and so ignored the person as she began taking out things of the bags and measured them out carefully. Using the bowl, she melted some clean snow and began to mix whatever she had measured out into the now heated water. She let that stew for a few moments before pouring some into the cup and wrinkled her nose at the smell it didn’t smell as pleasent as the usual stuff she drank but this particular drink wasn’t to serve as a tea for bed time, no, this was to send her into a state that slowed her heart to the point of near death. A state that in itself was highly dangerous if she dared to stray off the path she was about to walk. Closing her eyes she called out to the one watching her, “I know thats you Commander.” He didn’t say anything and she figured that from how soft his footsteps had been, he was most likely in were-beast form. “I need you to listen VERY carefully.” Still he said nothing and part of her was glad for that, yet she also wondered if were-creatures could even speak in half-beast form. She heard him step forward a few steps then stop, “What I am about to do, what you are about to see, is something that my grandmother taught me. This...drink...of sorts that I have just made will put me in a state that can be considered a half-death,” She heard him inhale sharply but continued, “I need a favor from you in turn.” 

“What favor?” He asked confirming her suspicions. 

“Keep a close watch on me and keep close tabs on my heart rate,” she informed him as he drew closer. “Hawke will be doing the same from his end of the link I share with him, and he is well aware of what I am about to do as I’ve done it before, but what I am about to do can kill me if I stray too far from the path I need to walk.” 

She didn’t need to look at him to know he was scowling, she could feel it but then he sighed, “Alright. I don’t like the thought of whatever you are about to do but I will keep watch.” 

“That’s all I can ask of you.” She told him softly as he finished approaching and sat down behind her. She felt his hands (or was it pawed hands with claws?) touch her shoulders and steeling her nerves, she drank the drink full, and of course she also gagged on the taste, before he could ask if she was alright she began to feel the effects of it immediately and dropped just as he caught her. 


	7. Six

Astria followed a scout to the room in the Chantry that had been named the "war room". She wasn't entirely sure why she had been called to the war room outside of the fact that the Commander had been the one to send for her, but she was pretty sure she was about to find out and she was correct as the moment she entered she saw the reason why she had been called for. The Herald had a nasty injury on her side and Aura shook her head as she immediately set to work. The woman, Reina Trevelyan, protested the care beings that she too was a mage but she eventually stopped complaining and was watching Astria intently; Astria, for her part, could sense a slight malice behind that gaze and knew that the Herald spelled trouble and decided to step lightly when around her. “You’re a Spirit Healer.” The Herald stated plainly as Astria looked over towards her as she prepared to leave. 

“I am,” Astria spoke carefully, she didn’t like the dark chill that went down her spine and could feel Hawke tensing up and felt Fenris listening in as Lyra spoke up. 

_This one means to drive you away. This one doesn’t like you. She is seeing you as a threat. Be wary._

Astria could feel the Commander tensing up as suddenly the room became silent. “You’re also a pure human.” 

“So I have been told many times,” Astria turned and stared the Herald in the eyes. “And yet I really don't care about “what” I am. Have an issue with it?” 

“Yes, I do. You’re a-!” 

“You don’t get to decide what I am,” Astria informed her swiftly. “You may be a were-cat of whatever kind but I am human, I am a force of nature that you don’t want to mess with. Don’t believe me? Try me. Because it is a fight you will lose.” 

“Are you threatening me?” 

“Ooh sweetheart,” Astria smirked, “It’s not a threat, its a promise. Because it won’t be me you’ll be running from.” With that Astria turned to the others in the room, looked at the Commander who nodded and dismissed her, and turning on her heel she left to do whatever it was she had been doing before. But that wouldn't last long as a few days later sometime in the afternoon while Astria was speaking with the Commander about something one of the soldiers had done, someone Astria wasn't expecting had just arrived in search of her. 

"Lady Astria?" Astria turned her gaze to see a scout coming up and frowned as she and the Commander shared a wondering look. "The Herald has sent for you as a woman claiming to be your..." The scout frowned as Astria wondered what was wrong, "Mother?" He questioned knowing that she would not give him any hell for it, "Has arrived and is demanding to speak with you."

"My mother?" Astria questioned to herself as she furrowed her brows. "My mother disowned me before I came here." She looked to the Commander who could sense her confusion. "What does she want with me?" Astria asked as she followed the scout with the Commander right at her side. But Astria had a feeling she knew why her mother (if it really was her mother) was here and felt her heart drop below the deep roads at what she knew was to come.

****

"Your sister-!" 

" _ENOUGH_ WITH THE "YOUR SISTER" **_BULL_** ** _SHIT_**!" Astria snapped finally losing her temper with her mother causing the candles in the war room to flicker angrily as the Herald, Commander and three others watched this exchange in shock and a bit of sorrow for Astria. "What is your gods' damned obsession with comparing me to my SISTER! I am _**NOT**_ my sister! For once in your fucking life can't you just be proud of ME as a person!" As Astria looked to her mother she saw it written on the woman's face and felt her rage rise as she realized the truth. "You don't even see me as a person do you?"

"I do-!" Her mother started but Astria interrupted her as the others in the room saw it too. 

"Bull fucking shit! I can see it on your lying face!" Astria told her as she took a step back and away from the woman who gave birth to her. "You never loved me did you?"

"No. You were just a mistake." Astria wasn't sure if that stung her or if she was numb to the truth.

"Then if I was a mistake, why bother coming to find me?" She questioned as she stared at the woman. Astria listened as the woman explained why and felt anger welling up again. "I don't want whatever fucking thing you think you can just dump on me," Astria told her with a venom to her voice as the woman reeled back in shock. "I'm not as stupid as you believe me to be and I will have nothing to do with you or that so-called "family" you have. Don't bother to come to find me again. You abandoned me because of my sister. Because you figured she would be the better. Well, I'm sorry she died, but I honestly can't say I feel anything for you or for her formerly spoiled and rotten ass." With that Astria turned and all but stormed out of the war room, feeling tears of not only anger rising to the surface but also felt herself entering a very numb state of mind. What she didn't know was that her mother had turned to ask the Herald for help only for the Herald to defend Astria.

"I might be a noble but what she just said and what I have seen upon your face? You disgust me." The Herald frowned and crossed her arms. "you will find no help with either me nor the Inquisition. Leave and do not return." The Herald told the woman as the woman huffed. 

"You will-!" 

"I said to LEAVE!" The Herald's eyes flashed dangerously. "You have hurt Lady Astria enough." The Herald waited until the woman was gone to turn to the Commander. "Cullen where is Astria most likely to be at, at this moment?"

"If I know her as well as I believe, she might already be at the lake. If not there then at her cabin." The Commander, Cullen, spoke swiftly as he debated on checking on Astria himself.

"I will check her cabin first. No one should have to suffer through what she has." The Herald dismissed everyone and was the first one out of the doors to hunt down Astria. When The Herald found her (Sitting outside of her cabin), she noticed that Astria was sitting with her forehead in the palm of her hands. "Astria?" She questioned as Astria looked up to see her approaching.

"I'm sorry you had to see how pitiful I am back there, Lady Herald." Astria apologized as the other woman frowned. 

"Don't be apologizing for what your mother caused," The Herald took a seat next to Astria, "I should be the one apologizing."

"For what?" 

"For being so cruel towards you. It is unbecoming of me and I shouldn't have been that way." 

"If it's worth anything," Astria started, "It's not your fault that everything has gone down the shithole." 

"Maybe not, but I still have no excuse for my actions. But are you alright? That meeting wasn't easy on you," The Herald frowned as Astria sighed.

"I'll be fine eventually. I can't really say how I feel about what I already knew coming to the light of day, but maybe it just hasn't fully hit me." 

"I am sorry she put you through that. If its any consolation, I don't see you the way she or your family does. I see you as a person."

"Thank you, Herald," Astria told her as the woman reached over and touched her shoulder. 

"Call me Emelin or Em for short."

"I will and thank you Em." The Herald smiled at Astria before Emelin changed the subject to something different, neither knew that Cullen was watching this exchange and gave a slight smile as he saw them finally getting along.


	8. Seven

Astria stood looking at Emelin with a shade of confusion on her face, "Pardon?" a few weeks had passed since the incident involving Astria's mother and Em was intent on doing whatever she could to keep Astria feeling openly welcomed among the people of the Inquisition (which was helped by the soldiers, mages and plenty of others as everyone of the Inquisition adored Astria despite her being purely human).

"Shapeshifting." 

"I get that part but...why?" Astria asked as Emelin smiled.

"Well seeing as how you are pure human, it would give you another way to defend yourself," Emelin smiled as Astria half-wondered if the woman had just lost her mind. 

"I... still don't understand," Astria frowned as Em tilted her head. "You want me to learn to shapeshift so I can defend myself?"

"What's not to understand about it?" Em frowned as Astria watched her while the Commander came walking up.

"What is going on?" Cullen questioned as he looked from one to the other while Em explained what she wanted Astria to learn to do. 'And what does Hawke think of it?"

"Hawke is being a dumbass like he's known for, and thus I'm ignoring him for the time being."

"What did he do now?" Em asked as Astria looked towards her.

"Trust me, you really don't want to know." 

Cullen smirked at that; in the four-plus years that he'd known Astria, he knew that the only times she ignored Hawke were usually the times he had done something incredibly stupid, even for him. "I think it would be a good idea," Cullen stated as Astria threw her hands up, signaling that Hawke had even agreed with the idea. 

"Oh for fuck's- Is everyone against me on this?" She questioned as Varric called out for her to learn to become a shapeshifter mage as well. "Fine! I'll entertain you all but not today. I have work I have to get back too," Astria muttered as she all but stormed off while Em smiled victoriously. Eventually, everyone went their separate ways but Cullen soon found himself at Varric's side with a question. 

"Varric," Cullen started as the dwarven man looked up from whatever he was doing, "Why do you call Astria "Cuddles"?"

Varric smiled, "Remember that day when her mother showed up?"

"Very well," He did remember it, and he did remember it well as it was the only time he had ever seen Astria so upset and so very close to losing her tight-leashed control over her magic. He remembered that she had clamped down on it before but that day a few weeks ago had caused the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck to stand on edge.

"Well, you see, Hawke told me something that made me realize something about her. Astria is a cuddler," and with that Varric launched into what all Hawke had told him about Astria and what she had imparted to the Champion. "...That's why Hawke and Broody made it a point to touch her arms, hands, shoulders, and cheeks whenever they could and would let her snuggle up to them when she'd be sitting on the couch and they would approach her. Before she came here, Cuddles had never felt true and gentle affection before, well outside of the grandmother she was named after, it's also why Broody is so protective of her. She's been hurt in the family sense and he, along with Hawke, sees her as his pack." 

Cullen stood there and thought everything he had just been informed of over. He had personally seen the pain written on Astria's face when she had snapped at her mother, but to find all this out. To say he was disgusted by her family would be an understatement as there were no proper words for how he felt about them now. "That does explain a lot about why Hawke is so openly affectionate towards her," He commented as Varric nodded. 

"Cuddles is a good woman, skittish at times when she's unsure about something, but she's a good woman and from what I've seen she is started to fall for someone." That grabbed Cullen's attention, he wasn't sure if it was the man or the beast or both, but suddenly he felt himself bristle. 

"Who?" The word came out a bit more demanding then he had intended but Varric smirked.

"Why Curly, are you bristling over the fact that our dear little Astria is becoming sweet on someone?"

"N-no!" He tried to deny but Varric saw right through that.

"Don't worry, if it's anyone who isn't you, I'll be the first one to tell you."

"What?" Cullen blinked as Varric smiled. 

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed?!"

"Noticed what?"

Varric's jaw dropped at that moment as he realized that Cullen was truly clueless, "You really haven't noticed at all that Astria is acting differently when around you?!" 

"She's been acting the same way she always has when around me."

Varric said nothing as Em came up and spoke for the dwarf, "No, she definitely acts completely different when you are around, Commander." Em spoke up as she plopped down onto a bench. "She becomes more..." Em furrowed her brows as she looked for the right word to use, "Well she _loses_ those sharp edges that were created by her family and seems much calmer when you show up. Like she already knows that she belongs to you, without actually knowing that she does, and that she doesn't need to fear anything because she knows that you will keep her safe."

Cullen wanted to argue, but he also saw their point as he had noted that whenever she knew Cullen was around her jagged edges seemed to melt away. "What about that spirit that she has?"

"It's a spirit of Compassion," Em watched as both Varric and Cullen looked at her with confusion. "What? She told me what it was. She also told me that Lyra, don't ask she didn't bother to explain it, is the one who is helping to guide her through this "new life" she has. It was because of the Spirit that Hawke and she have their bond that they do, and it's because of the Spirit that Astria is such an accomplished healer. Speaking of which, I will need to go see her soon."

"For what?"

"I may have sprained my ankle during a sparring match." Em looked away and spotted Astria's unique hair as the woman was stopped by a soldier who had cut his arm during training. They watched her as she scolded the man who hung his head in shame while her magic healed the wound, then gave him clear instructions on what to do if it should start bothering him. He gave her a "yes ma'am" and walked away as she sighed and shook her head before continuing on the path to her little cabin. They watched as she vanished inside and Cullen heard Em comment on something. "Should really think about posting a guard or two on either side of her door, Commander." Cullen didn't need her to explain why but only shook his head as he made his way to go see if Astria was alright. leaving the two to speak, he soon found himself knocking on the door to Astria's cabin and heard her call out for him to enter. Opening the door he saw Astria sitting down at her small desk and watched as she was doing something on some parchment. 

"Lady Astria?" He watched as she looked up to see that it was him before returning to whatever she was doing. 

"Is there something I can help you with Commander?" She questioned as he felt a sting of pain. He wanted to hear his name come from her lips and that thought sent a completely wrong sort of shiver along his spine. 

"I came to see if you are alright," he told her as he approached her to see that she was drawing. He wasn't sure why but he loved seeing her drawings, he always had since the first time she had shown him the many completed drawings she had finished. It was one of the many reasons he had always looked forward to "watching" over her if Hawke was going to be away for a while as she was always willing to let him look the art over. 

"I'm fine for now, why?" She set her quill down and looked up at him. He met her sapphire gaze and felt his heart pause in its tracks. 

"I know the past few weeks have been trying on you since that incident, but I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'll be fine, eventually. Somehow I always knew how she saw me, so in some way I guess I'm not completely surprised but it may also just take some time to fully hit me that I was never really anything special to my family outside of my Grandmother." Astria told him with a sigh as she looked towards the window, "She was honestly the only one to see me as a person but I guess some things never last." 

Cullen felt his heart breaking for Astria at that moment, "What happened?"

"She was struck with an incurable illness and passed away a few weeks before I came here to Thedas." Astria would have said the name of what that illness was, but she didn't as she knew he wouldn't understand what it was. Suddenly she felt him reach out and touch her cheek with a touch so light that she turned her head to meet his gaze and saw his sorrow there. She hated when people showed her pity, yet the look in his eyes was not one of pity but rather a form of understanding.

"She sounds like she was a good woman," He whispered as she closed her eyes. 

"She was. She was the Matriarch of my family. She seemed so full of life that I think everyone in my family believed that she would live to see the sun grow cold, so when she passed away, it came as a shock to everyone, even me," Astria frowned then as she fought back tears, "I'd honestly like to believe that it was her death that caused my family to become so cold and uncaring towards who I am as a person, but I realized that it had always been like that." Astria was struggling to keep herself calm. She felt Hawke giving her a gentle mental hug before she saw Cullen kneeling down and felt him touch her cheek. She wasn't sure when exactly her tears had started sliding down her cheeks, but she felt him brush one away before he pulled her close and allowed her to bury her face into the fur around his shoulders as she finally began to cry. She wasn't crying for the loss of a family that hadn't cared for her, she was releasing that pent-up grief that came with ignoring the loss of someone who had truly cared for her. Yes it stung that her family didn't care for her as a person, but she could deal with that, what she couldn't properly deal with was the pain she felt at having lost the Matriarch of her family, losing the one woman Astria was named after and was striving to live up to the name of. But at that moment, Astria knew that what she really needed was someone who would be there for her and came to the realization that that someone would most likely always be the Commander. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: When I am writing Astria or any of my characters, I tend to listen to many songs but End of Me by Ashes Remain (Link to the youtube with lyrics: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO7eYpGioWo) seems to be the most fitting for Astria at this time and may come more into play as her story reveals itself to all of you as well as me. 
> 
> Thanks for all the Kudos you guys leave on my stories! They, along with comments (Don't be shy feel free to comment!), help keep the muses of my stories in line. <3 you all!


	9. Eight

Astria stood on the edge of a cliff with eyes closed, she knew she was in a dream yet she couldn't pull herself away from the edge that beckoned her ever closer as the wind whipped her hair forward. In her head, she could hear a song from her world that she had heard on the radio and suddenly it was as if the lyrics were surrounding her. Opening her eyes slowly, Astria wondered if she truly had anything worth fighting for, and a few lines of the song came haunting back as she whispered them to herself, _"It's gone on for too long and this is it..."_ She told herself as she looked towards the sky. She was greeted by the night sky of Thedas and found her breath taken away. It didn't matter whether she was awake or asleep, the twin moons in the night sky still stole her breath away. Suddenly she felt someone grip her wrist and soon felt the hand move from her wrist to her hand to grip it tightly. 

"Everything is worth fighting for, my grandbaby." Astria turned to see her silver-haired grandmother who was smiling warmly. "Would you like to know why you were sent to this version of Thedas?"

"Grandmother?"

The woman nodded before she spoke again, "It is me, my little astral wolf." The woman smiled while Astria turned to face the elder, all while not knowing that Hawke had dragged Cullen to this dream for both to watch this exchange between Elder and Younger. Astria listened as her grandmother explained with a gentleness only the Matriarch could achieve. "Remember, my little wolf, everything happens for a reason."

"I will grandma," Astria watched the woman walk away before turning to look back towards the sky, not knowing that the Elder had spotted the two men watching.

Cullen, however, just couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from Astria but did the moment the Elder woman spoke, "I am entrusting the safety of my grandbaby to you both, Do not disappoint me." The older woman walked away before she stopped and looked back towards Cullen, "Oh and Commander?"

"Yes, Ma'am?" Cullen responded swiftly as the woman smiled. 

"Remember to be patient with her, she is still struggling with herself and everything that has come around. But also remember that she needs someone to just be there for her." 

At that Cullen nodded his understanding and the woman vanished as she walked away leaving both men confused as to what had just happened.

****

Astria was working on making a few batches of soothing salve the next day when a soldier came around the bend while searching for her, "Lady Astria?"

"Yes?" Astria inquired as she finished up the latest batch of salve.

"The Lady Herald has sent me to find you for a...bird problem."

"A bird?"

"Yes ma'am, She said that the bird, which is believed to be a falcon, has been injured by a recruit who's arrow went astray and thus it is also believed that you would know how best to approach the animal."  Frowning Astria looked to another healer and the person took over for her as she told them that she had written down the instructions on the parchment on the table. After the person acknowledged her instructions, Astria turned and followed the soldier to where Em and the others awaited her; however, the moment Astria arrived, Em pounced on the woman and all but dragged her to where the bird was while speaking at a million miles per second. When they arrived at where the bird was, Astria saw that it was puffed up with beak open in a rather defensive stance. She looked into its wide eyes, gauging for its reaction before approaching it carefully and speaking in a gentle tone to calm it down. Once she was able to approach it, she offered her arm to it and felt it cautiously step onto her arm; never once did bird or woman remove their gaze from the other while this was happening, but once the bird was calm enough for Astria to touch it she carefully lifted its wing and studied the injury. 

"It's not too bad, A little bit of healing and a few days of some soothing balm should keep the wound free of infection and soon she'll be flying again in no time," Astria reported as she began to scratch the bird gently on the head, which it seemed to really enjoy. Astria took the bird away from that area to begin tending to its wounds and felt eyes on her as people watched her walk through the town to her cabin where she would tend to the bird for the next few days. What Astria didn't realize was that Cullen was watching her walk away and in his mind's eye she looked born for falconry. He suddenly had an idea strike him and turned to Em who listened as he explained what he was seeing in his mind. Nodding to what he was asking of her, she went to seek out Josephine who was thrilled with the idea of having Astria dress like what was suggested. Josephine was so thrilled by the idea that she went straight to work toying with the idea, and, within the month, the outfit was made ready for Astria to wear. During that time Astria would try, and fail, to release the falcon back into the wild but the bird had other plans as it continued to come back to her. By the twentieth attempt to release it, it came back once more and Astria gave up completely on trying to free it. Sighing, Astria heard someone walking up as the person chuckled, "I give up. I've tried what feels like a hundred times and this Gyrfalcon still won't go!" 

"Maybe she just likes you?" 

"Maybe," Astria turned her head to the speaker to see Cullen having approached, "Still though. It's not my place to keep her," Astria told him before shaking her head. 

"Maybe not, but she keeps coming back to you and from what I understand that usually means that the animal has chosen the person they want to be around for the rest of their life." 

"You are not helping," Astria told him as he smirked. To her, it was an ungodly smirk that made him even more attractive then what he already was but huffed out a sigh. "You sir are an ass, and I hate you."

"No you don't," He continued to smirk as she smiled then.

"Your right, I don't. Your too gorgeous for me to hate," With that, she left him stunned as she walked away from there with her own smirk on her face while he watched her walk away. Yep, she was going stright to hell, but boy would she enjoy the whole batshit crazy ride there.


	10. Nine

Astria was in the Healer's tent looking over some paperwork (and was still beyond grateful that Hawke had been patient enough to teach her how to read and write the Common language) when Em came rushing in to find her. "Where is Astria?" 

 _Well, there goes all my plans for after work,_ Astria thought to herself as she stood from where she had been sitting on a crate. 

 _Sucks to be you,_ Hawke came back with as she frowned.

 _I will slap you,_ She shot back as she swore he laughed.

_You wish you could._

_Oh, don't test me, Hawke, because I will find a way._

_Bullshit, you adore me too much._

_Now that's debatable._

_Hey!_ He protested as she snickered before she walked out to see Em bouncing on the balls of her heels. 

"Did you need me, Herald?" In private, Astria would call the woman by her nickname, but during working hours, Astria referred to her as Herald or Lady Herald. Astria watched as Em's head whipped around to face her and a tiny part of Astria wondered how she hadn't snapped her neck at the motion. 

"There you are! We need your help with something in the war room."

"Okay?" Astria began to follow the woman as Em began to talk too fast for her mind to comprehend. All Astria could catch from the woman's words was something about a box and a puzzle, but even those words passed by too quickly for Astria to understand. However, when they entered the war room, Astria looked at what Em was now pointing at and felt excitement well up. 

"Oh, this?!"

"What is it?" Em asked as the advisors and Cassandra watched Astria approach the box. 

"Literally its called a puzzle box or for more simpler terms a "trick box". I used to buy these all the time and try to work out how to open them and discovered that the harder it was to open the simpler the start was."

"Do you think you can solve it?" Cassandra asked as Astria looked towards her.

"I know I can," And with that Astria picked up the box turned it over a few times, being mindful of whatever could be inside, and soon felt around until she heard a "click". "There we go!" After that, the puzzle was rather simple for Astria to figure out and soon she set it back down the way she had found it on the table and moved away from it. What Astria did not notice when she had been working on the box was the way Cullen had watched her. He had watched her fingers as they moved along the box to each part of the puzzle before moving to her face and the sight he saw there imprinted itself forever in his memory. Her eyes had been so intently focused upon the box, that he was sure she didn't realize that her mouth was held in a straight line as she deftly moved her hands around the box; he had watched some of her hair fall into face as she worked and had to force himself to stand where he was despite how badly a part of him wanted to brush it out of her face. He let his memories take him back to Kirkwall, back to when he had first met her and had found her to be rather odd with her strange hair color as he had never seen anything like it before.

_"I am Knight-Captain Cullen Rutherford," he introduced himself as Astria studied him with eyes he swore saw into his very soul. This was the first time they were meeting and Hawke, who was standing in the background, had figured it best to stay and watch from the stairs as he wasn't too sure how Astria would react to the Knight-Captain._

_"Astria or Astri depending on who you ask," So far Astria was rather calm about the whole thing, and Hawke took that as a good sign as it meant that she wouldn't kill the poor man, yet. After introductions had been made and Hawke had watched the two exchange a few words, but soon enough he left and Astria found herself in the library sitting on the window seat with windows open and watching the rain as it fell. Cullen entered the library, spotted her sitting there with the windows open but noted the look on her face and couldn't help the overwhelming need to ask her what was wrong. But the moment he stopped near her, she spoke. "I loved playing in the rain as a child and miss it."_

_Cullen wasn't sure what she meant, "What do you mean?" He asked as she sighed and closed her eyes._

_"Before my sister was born, my mother and I would go outside during rainstorms and would chase each other while getting soaking wet. Sometimes my father would join in when he wasn't busy with work, but that all changed when my sister came around." Cullen saw the sorrow and longing in her eyes and sat down to look outside with her. "I've always found that rainy days are the most realistic for me."_

_"Oh?" He inquired as he noted how colorless and somber the world looked. Barely anyone was outside and those that were were rushing to find shelter away from the shower that was falling upon them. Cullen saw her move from the corner of his eye and turned to watch her as she reached a hand out to let the water fall upon her smooth skin._

_"It was a day like this when my ex-fiance had his funeral," He saw her look to the clouds with a thoughtful, yet still very heartbroken, look. "I..." Astria sighed once more as she lowered her hand and placed it on the window sill. "We had been together since we were teenagers, but were the closest of friends since childhood." Astria's face held such sorrow that even he felt the pain. "I was as happy as could be, my grandparents had approved of him while my parents were busy being so much more obsessed with my "Perfect" sister who they wanted my grandparents to name as heir to the family fortune instead of me, not that I honestly cared much about it to begin with, because my best friend... my fiance... and I had already made plans to move away and do our own thing while leaving that to my sister, for her to take care of..."_

_"What happened?"_

_"He was...killed while trying to protect his niece and prevent her from being harmed by... by some very messed up people..." Her voice trailed away as Cullen felt a stab of pain as his eyes lowered to the seat before returning to the empty streets. "After his death... I swore to never again love another person."_

_Cullen looked to her in a bit of shock, "Never?"_

_"Not unless they could love me for who I am instead of the title and money behind my name," Astria never once removed her gaze from the sky, but Cullen could see the tears that threatened to spill which she was fighting back. "After his death, my parents tried several times to "marry me off" but each time failed as I always found out. After about the tenth time, I finally had enough and in my anger, I said several choice things to them before turning and walking out of their house."_

_"Where did you go?"_

_"I moved far away from there and cut all contact with everyone in my family but my grandparents and a select few cousins. Any letters that were written to me by my parents were never read but were thrown into the fire and burned. I didn't want to hear their excuses or read their so-called "apologies" as there was nothing they could do or say to earn my forgiveness. They had burned that bridge to the point of no possible way to rebuild it." Cullen said nothing, how could he? He didn't know what it was like to be in her situation. "Then they proceeded on making it worse for themselves, by showing up where I was working and demanding that I return and marry the man of their choosing. They continued screaming at me to do "what was right" and only stopped when the owners of the place I was working at stepped in and told them to leave. When they refused, the local authority stepped in and told them that if they didn't stop harassing me, they could and would be thrown in cells on the charges of harassment. After that, they cut me off completely from "their family" and tried to get my grandparents to cut me out of the family's fortune, which didn't work at all."_ _Cullen tried to say something but closed his mouth while shaking his head. He couldn't begin to imagine the pain she was going through. He wasn't sure why he cared about it at all, yet some little voice in the back of his mind whispered that it was better she told someone this story then risk letting it fester and cause her to become something far worse than just a plain mage._

Suddenly he was returned to the present time where he stood at his desk and frowned as he also remembered her telling him that he would one day see why she loved the rain like she did. He looked out towards the direction of the lake and suddenly realized that it was raining. As he came to realize this, he also came to realize that Astria would most likely be sitting in her cabin with the windows open to allow the clean and earthy scent of the air to enter. Putting the report he had in his hand down, he removed his sword from his belt and went in search of Astria only to see that she was standing on the dock, face turned up to the sky, eyes closed, and smiling.  _She still loves the rain._ The thought snaked it's way into his mind as he watched her and felt a smile creep slowly onto his face. She was getting drenched by the downpour, as was he, yet neither could be bothered to care; Cullen heard a voice in his mind snapping at him to get her inside before she caught a cold, yet it was quieted by another voice saying and pointing out that she would be perfectly fine. Cullen wondered how many times she had stood out in the rain, letting it drench her as it "cleansed her of her sorrows" and that was when he realized that her hair, which was normally tied up into a ponytail was allowed to be free of its normal confinement. As if watching her awoke something deep within his own soul, Cullen suddenly saw her in a whole new light and, soon enough, began to make his way towards her, not caring who saw him as he calmly walked towards her. 

Astria, herself, opened her eyes and lowered her head just enough to meet his eyes as he approached. She never once broke eye contact, even as he stopped before her. But by then, to her, the world had ceased to exist and it felt as if it was just the two of them. No words were passed between them for the longest time, as no words were needed; she did, however, reached up and placed her right hand on his cheek and his eyes closed as he leaned his head into her tender touch, _"Now you see why I fell in love with the rain so long ago,"_ She whispered softly to where only he could hear her. He opened his eyes, amber-gold meeting sapphire blue. At that moment he felt a welcome stillness wash over him, it was a peaceful form of stillness that caused even his beast to quiet down as if it too was enjoying the sudden realization that had washed over him.

He felt her hand remove itself from his cheek and lifted his own to touch her, but paused as he waited for her to tell him that it was okay. He never dared to touch really her without permission (unless he was stirring her from sleep like he had in the past), as touching without permission just felt _wrong_. He saw the slight nod she gave and placed his hand on her cheek. At this moment he wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked as the rain fell. How peaceful and calm she made him. Yet the words never came as her eyes closed now with her head leaning into the palm of his hand. "Astria," He spoke softly as she opened her eyes to meet his once more, "you have no idea the effect you have on me do you?" He inquired as she studied him. "I have never met anyone, in all of my life, more capable of calming and quieting my beast then what you can. I promise you, that I will never allow anything to happen to you so long as it's within my power to stop." 

"Thank you, Cullen," she said as his heart stopped for a few moments before he rested his forehead against hers. 


	11. Ten

The next day found the rain continuing to drench the still snowy ground, yet no one cared except for Astria who had slipped and had fallen on a rather slick patch of ice from the previous night. and was now attempting to stand up while cursing at the ice with some rather colorful phrases. "Are we cursing the rain or the ice?" A voice that Astria had yet to hear around this place questioned as she managed to carefully stand up. 

"Both most likely, I never know what I am cussing out when I slip and fall," She explained as she looked to the speaker to see someone familiar to her to notice that it was a young man (or rather a woman who chose to be a man), "But knowing myself like I do, I'll probably be laughing my own ass off about it later and calling myself a dumbass for not paying attention," She told him as she studied him. "Anyway, what can I do for you?" 

"I'm looking for someone to speak to about the Inquisition coming to see my boss's group and I on the Storm Coast. Know of anyone?" 

"For that, you will need to personally see the Herald. Follow me, I was headed to find her anyways," Astria told the man who followed her to wherever Em was. They spoke while they searched, and the man finally asked her about her hair. 

"So if it's not too much trouble: what's with your hair?" 

"My hair?" Astria questioned before shaking her head, "Trust me your guess is as good as mine. It used to be a dark blonde that boardered on brown, then one day it grew a mind of its own and just decided to do its own thing."

"Well, it certainly is unique. I like it," The young man said as Astria smiled. 

"Thank you...ah..."

"Cremisius Aclassi, Krem to most."

"Astria," Astria introduced herself as he nodded. As they walked, they spoke a few more words and he told her about his boss’s group. He informed her that they were called the Bull’s Chargers and told her all about what they did. Astria, in turn, explained that she was a Spirit Healer with a Spirit of Compassion as her patron of sorts and that she was purely human but was bonded to a were-hawk who had, of course, taken an elven werewolf as his lover and that both were her “guardians”, but due to certain events she was, at this time, under the care of the Commander and one of her bonded protector’s friends. 

“Well, you do get around.” 

“Tell me about it. The Herald didn’t like me when she first met me but that changed after she saw the way my mother treated me; now if she does anything to get herself injured and, I happen to be around, she tends to seek me out to heal her.” Astria stopped and looked in the direction of where the Herald was standing and speaking with Cassandra, “Speak of the woman. I’m sure she will be eager to speak with you.” With that, Astria led Krem to Em who greeted him as Astria walked away to go find Cullen, who just happened to be looking in the direction she was walking away from. 

“Who was that?” 

“A mercenary who was searching for the Herald. Apparently, his leader wants her to see his group in action,” Astria told him as Cullen looked her over. “Anyways. You said you wanted to see me?” 

“I did,” he motioned for her to follow him and they entered his tent. She watched as he closed the open flap after calling for two of his most trusted lieutenants to guard the entrance. Astria spared only a glance around while he spoke with the two and noted that his tent was larger then she had expected. She did note a bed (off in a side area) that was made perfectly, but chose to otherwise ignore it as she looked towards his rather neat desk where his paperwork was stacked neatly and in tidy piles that would put the men and women in the military of her world to shame. Hearing him tie the flap closed she turned her gaze to him as he turned to face her. “I’ve been meaning to speak with you in private for some time. Mostly to check up on you and to see how you are doing,” he told her as he approached his desk and removed his sword from his belt. What he wasn’t saying was that he just wanted her company that and he had a plan. 

“Well considering I am trying to see the brighter side of the whole “world’s gone batshit crazy” thing, I’d have to say that I’m pleasantly surprised at how stain-Sane! How sane I’m staying,” Astria rubbed at her face with a hand while he chuckled. “Fuck me...” She muttered as he smiled sympathetically. 

“Long day?” He inquired as she frowned. 

“A bit too long,” She replied as he reached out and pulled her onto his lap after he sat down, “After the bullshit of this morning I’d almost be willing to say the crazies have calmed down but I’m sure it will get unusually worse as the day goes on.” 

“Sounds like you need a nap,” he commented as she sighed. 

“If only...would be nice but I doubt it will happen,” Since Cullen had discovered that Astria craved caring touches, he had devoted as much time as he could, when he could, to touching her and showing her that not all touches were harmful. 

“If I gave the order for you too, would you?” He asked seriously as she looked to him. 

“If it was an order, I’d have no choice,” she explained as he thought that over for a moment. 

“Well I won’t order you to but you can use the excuse that I have for this once.” 

“Yes I can just see how well that would go over,” She frowned and shook her head, “I’ll just deal with it until my scheduled days off. Besides it makes those days off more worthwhile to wait for,” She told him as he began to rub her back. 

“But you rarely take those days to be what they're supposed to be. Your days off, meaning you’re not supposed to work on those particular days,” he told her as she closed her eyes as she felt his hand began to run through her hair. 

“What else am I supposed to do? Outside of you, Varric, Adan, and the Herald, I literally know no one. On top of that, there are still several Templars around here who still believe that mages are supposed to “watched” like we are misbehaving children, regardless of what the Herald or you say.” Cullen knew she didn’t exactly fear the Templars abilities to take away her use of magic, she had stated that plainly to him. What she feared was feeling weak and defenseless again, she feared being used by a Templar for his own means and that was something that made Cullen a bit more protective of her than most. 

“They won’t bother you, and if they dared to try anything with you, they would have to face me.” 

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better,” She replied sleepily as he continued to play with her hair. Cullen didn’t reply as he soon succeeded in the real reason he had asked and brought her to his tent. He had found a way to get her to sleep. Smiling, he carefully lifted her sleeping form up and carried her to his bed where he set her down carefully and watched her curl up as he found a spare blanket to wrap around her. He was pretty sure that by playing with her hair, and with the sound of the falling rain, she would sleep for several hours and continued to smile. 

“They won’t dare to mess with you, because they dare not face my wrath along with Hawke’s and Fenris’s wraths. You are well protected and very well loved among those who have met you here, Astria,” Cullen whispered as he brushed some of her hair out of her face before he returned to his desk to read and respond to the reports that were awaiting him. 

****

Astria slowly awoke to the sensation of being on a bed with a blanket wrapped around her while a pillow was under her head. Slowly opening her eyes she lifted her head and recognized that she was, in fact, not in her little cabin but was, instead, laying on the Commander’s bed and suddenly everything came back to her. She had fallen asleep when she had been sitting on his lap due to the fact that he had been playing with her hair, and she was pretty sure he had carried her to his bed so she could sleep for as long as was needed. As she came to realize this, she felt a bit of anger rise up, but it didn’t last long as she knew he had good intentions for it. Gaining her sense of hearing back she noted it was quite out and looking around she noted that it was dark, yet she did not hear him at all. Sitting up, she turned to check her ride side but he wasn’t there; deciding to stand she quietly stood and walked out to where his desk was, only to note that he wasn’t there either. She wasn’t exactly sure why she felt disappointed at seeing that he wasn’t there but she figured he was busy until he walked in. “You're awake,” he smiled as she nodded. 

“How long was I asleep for?” 

“Long enough,” he told her calmly as he motioned towards the entrance. “If I’d have to give an exact estimation I’d say around six or seven hours.” 

“Jesus Christ!” She exclaimed as he watched her. “You didn’t have to let me sleep that long! An hour at the most would have been fine!” 

“You needed the sleep. You’ve been running yourself ragged which isn’t good for you, and due to you being a mage it’s really not a good thing.” 

 _This one is right, Astria. It could make you open to Them._ Lyra defended his point as Astria sighed. 

“Great so now the spirit is against me in this too...” 

“I'm guessing she agreed with me?” 

“Yes, but I wish she would give clarification on who this “Them” is.” 

“Them?” Cullen’s curiosity had sparked and Astria sighed. 

“That’s the thing, I don't know who “Them” is and she’s not exactly willing or just not able to explain who or what “Them” is or are,” Astria told him as she fought back the urge to pace.

“Even when I was a Templar I have never heard of a “Them” spoken of by a spirit before.” 

“I doubt she will be of much help in that category right now. Though she also keeps mentioning another Spirit of Compassion that she is insisting that I will meet.” 

Cullen frowned at that, “She is saying you will meet another Spirit?” 

“I guess,” Astria was becoming a bit frustrated but he was able to calm her down. One spirit for a single person was normal but rare even among mages. Two spirits though, and of the same classification, was unheard of and that sparked both curiosity and fear in him. Curiosity, as he wondered why another spirit would be coming around and fear, because if the second spirit attached itself to her, Astria would most likely be the singular most powerful mage alive, not counting whoever was the true cause behind the breach (who Cullen suspected was a mage). Astria and Cullen spoke for a while longer, but as she made to leave he stopped her by reaching out and grabbing her arm. Looking towards him, she was surprised when he asked her to stay the night with him and smiled as she agreed. In all the time she had known him, she knew he had no ill-intentions towards her, (hell, he was a full-on gentleman when it came to her) and thus had her trust. After he was done with reports, due to a growing headache, he soon found his head in her lap as she massaged her fingers through his hair as her magic soothed his headache into nothingness; but when she got up to go do her own thing for a few moments, he stopped her and pulled her down onto the bed, earing a small smile from her. In her eyes, he was adorable when tired and found herself snuggling up to him. She wasn't able to deny it any longer: she was falling for Cullen, and she was falling hard. Sadly, there was a part of her that knew she could never truly be his mate no matter how badly she wanted to be, but what harm was there in innocent wishes?


	12. Eleven

"Days would pass slowly as the rain continued to fall, It wasn't unheard of for the weather to do its own thing as it pleased but the people were starting to get really tired of it, though Astria seemed to be the only one who didn't mind it at all, but then again she enjoyed the rain as it was nature's way of cleansing things. Yawning to herself as she sat curled up on her chair in her cabin, wrapped snuggly in a blanket, Astria had decided to enjoy her day off by sitting in her cabin with windows open to enjoy the fresh scent of the air. She knew that no one could ever truly understand her obsession with the rain, but with the past she had, she didn't really care if they did or not. She was different to everyone here anyway, so it really didn't matter, but as she was enjoying the rain a knock at the door alerted her to someone waiting; sighing, she called out for the person to enter and she saw a scout come walking in. 

"Mi'lady, I apologize for the interruption, but the Lady Ambassador has sent me to deliver an invitation for you to have tea with her." 

"Very well, inform her I will be there momentarily," Astria told the man who nodded and left to do as bid. Astria sighed once more, she was comfy where she was sitting and was rather reluctant to move, but she was not one to displease someone like the Lady Ambassador, but the Lady Ambassador made up for forcing her to remove herself from her seat by having not only sugar and honey (how she got that Astria would most likely never know), and somehow had found a way to have the cooks make Astria's favorite cookies. Astria limited herself on those as she wasn't sure when she would next get more of those, and Astria explained to Josephine (and Leliana and Cullen, both who had arrived shortly after she did) the reasoning of why she enjoyed having honey in her tea instead of cream. "Cream just makes the tea taste different to me."

"But honey doesn't?" 

"No, it actually adds to the sweetness of the sugar and the honey itself has several medicinal properties where I come from. Where I was working, my closest friend, who doubled as my co-worker, and I, we would brew up tea and gather up all the excess fruits, and on rainy days or even cold wintery ones, we add some honey to all batches of tea we would make then go around the city and offer it and the fruit freely to those who were homeless due to circumstances completely out of their control." 

"How often would you do that?" Leliana questioned as Astria smiled. 

"Twice every month."

"Every month?" Josephine was shocked as Astria nodded. 

"We grew everything we needed and what we couldn't grow, we kept on order and often ordered a lot of what would be needed and what was in season," Astria smiled then, "One of my favorite memories, is one that still brings joy to my heart when I think about it."

"Care to share with us?" Josephine's interest, as well as the interest of the other two, had been peaked and Astria nodded.

"Well, for my friend and I, it started off like any normal day that we would do that type of thing on, the usual cold, snowy, winter day. I'm not exactly sure why, but I could just tell that something would be different about that day and she could as well, somehow like we knew what we were about to do would change someone's life completely. Well as we were making our rounds, we came across this older gentleman and his dog," Leliana could tell immediately where this was going but felt her heart warming as Astria continued. "We noticed that he was begging for money so he could feed his dog, He didn't care if he ate, he was more concerned about his companion and I understood that perfectly, so while my friend went off to get both him and his dog something to eat, I stayed and talked with him and he told me everything that had happened to him," Astria sighed sadly. "He had been a soldier but had been injured in combat. Well due to the injury he had sustained, he wasn't able to do much for working purposes and suffered badly for that. He had lost his wife due to illness, he lost his house and several other things because he wasn't able to pay his taxes and had been on the streets with his dog for just over seven or eight years. He told me that my friend and I were the only ones who had actually bothered to even speak with him and when my friend returned with food for both him and his dog, he started crying while I told her what was going on. Of course, neither of us would let him stay in that situation, and she contacted her parents who came to where we were and he told them his story and they offered him a job working with us."

"What happened to him?" Cullen asked as Astria smiled again.

"He worked with us for a couple of months, before he set off to do his own thing. We didn't hear from him for a while but the day we were planning on checking up on him, he came to visit us with his daughter, son-in-law and infant granddaughter," Josephine felt her insides turn to mush. "After that, we discovered that what we had done caused what my friend and I like to call the domino effect, and one business after the other began to do what we and my friend's parents had done and soon enough there were no more homeless people. Everyone had something they could do, and if someone who was homeless drifted to the city we lived in, well they wouldn't be homeless for long. We still continued to do what we had started doing but soon it became something more as it would last a full week of where we would give out excess food and make drinks up for people to enjoy."

"So when you started that you had no idea it would become what it did?" Leliana was smiling now as Astria nodded. 

"Pretty much. My friend and I knew something would happen that day but we never would have guessed it would end up being something the whole city would get behind and thus it earned our city the nickname "The City of Hope"."

They spent a bit longer talking about random things and somehow ended up talking about taverns and inns and they managed to get Astria to tell them more about her world. Astria explained how it was, how there was no such thing as the magic they had here on Thedas and that shocked them. "But my question is..." Leliana wasn't sure how Cullen would react to this particular question, but she had to ask it anyway, "Do women from where you come from experience... well the Heat?"

"No." Astria's answer was swift. "We do have days where we can become with child, but those days are basically wildcards as it's not a perfect guess as of too what days and since each woman is different, even if it is a perfect guess the next month could be completely different."

"Every month?!" Josephine couldn't imagine going through that but remembered that Astria was a pure human, and now felt sorry for her. "Have you been through it since you arrived?"

"No. There are several that can delay or stop it altogether. Stress, becoming sterile, or if it comes to my family the patron or matron animal God or Goddess." 

"You have animal gods?" Cullen was surprised to discover that fun fact.

"It's not unheard of where I come from, a lot of the older religions of my world see animals as guides or gods in some sense. But that has only recently started come back into practice." 

"So... How do you choose who will be your Patron or Matron?" Leliana asked as Astria smiled and shook her head. 

"We don't. They choose us," Astria sighed then, "My matron has specifically chosen to halt my ability to produce children for several years." 

"How many years are left?" 

"This is the last month of this reprieve. Which for me means that I'll start that whole annoying bodily function of the women of my world again by the beginning or middle of next month and I know that it will bite me in the ass hard." 

"Why do you say that?" Cullen asked as she looked at him.

"Do you really want me to answer that question?" She asked. When he went to answer she held up a hand, "Think about it. We are talking about a _WOMAN_ 's bodily functions here, Commander. Are you _SURE_ , without a doubt, that you want me to answer _**that**_ particular question?" When he said yes, she smiled as she shared a look with Josephine and Leliana before looking back at him. "Just remember, you asked for it." With that, she launched into the explanation and Cullen realized that he was getting the anatomy lesson he never wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cullen. But he _did_ ask for it.


	13. Twelve

Cullen had a newfound respect for Astria and the deepest lingering regret that he had even bothered to ask her what she meant that one day. But all in all, it was a fair warning for him as the next month right as it began, he had accidentally discovered that she was unusually easy to anger and had, more than once, had to avoid being hit with an ice lance after he said something tha had irked her. It was after the fourth or fifth time that he had dodged her magic that he remembered what she had told him, and had decidedly sought out Leliana and the Herald for those two to speak with Astria for the next week while he decided it would be wiser for him to vanish and hide away from her sight for a while. Astria did eventually apologize for trying to impale him, but it was a week later that she had to apologize to him for her behavior. "I should have been more careful," he told her as she stood leaning against his desk. 

"Either way, it probably didn't help that I didn't tell you what the warning signs are for when that particular week starts for me." 

"If it helps I don't hold anything against you for it."

"I'm just personally glad that I know you have your Templar training to help you avoid my attacks. Though that is probably one thing I won't stop apologizing for," She watched him stand and heard him chuckle. "You do realize something right?" 

"What?" He asked as she frowned.

"Everyone's sense of smell is greater then mine is. Which means all males will be able to tell when I will be able to conceive," that thought froze him in his tracks and she swore she saw him physically bristle at the thought of someone touching her that wasn't already approved of. She felt Hawke (and she was pretty sure she felt Fenris do it as well) bristle and was pretty damn sure she could tell what all three were thinking at the same time, but she heard it from Hawke.

_No one will touch you!_

"No one will be allowed to touch you," She heard Cullen snarl low. "Not so long as I live," There were no doubts in her mind now. He saw her as belonging to him and a small part of her rolled in that while another part of her bristled at the thought of having her right to choose a mate taken away from her. 

 _But truthfully did I ever believe that I would belong to anyone but him?_ She asked herself as Cullen now approached her with a need to suddenly claim her. A part of her wanted to be afraid of him, yet she wasn't; in fact, this sudden possessiveness that now emanated from him seemed to attract her even more. 

"There must be a way," He reached up and placed his hand on her cheek and she all but melted at his touch. 

"If there is, I'm afraid I don't know it," She told him as she leaned into his touch. She yearned to feel his hands touch everywhere. To do things to her that she was sure she wouldn't even know was possible, and heard him growl as her scent aroused him. She remembered the warning Hawke had given her about male were-beasts and the thing they all shared in common. If a female was aroused or in heat or was thinking arousing thoughts, the female's scent would change just enough to alert them to it and would affect their mentality. Meaning they would become more beast than man. Lowering his lips to her ear, she felt his breath run over the side of her neck and that sent a shiver down her spine.

"Didn't Hawke warn you about those kinds of thoughts?" 

"He did, but considering how long its been since I've been around anyone who I was honestly attracted too? It just can't be helped," Astria fought with herself to not moan as he inhaled her scent. But then he pulled away and she fought to not whine. 

"I made a promise to not do anything to you, to protect you while Hawke is away. And that means I will not do anything of that sort to you," he told her as he pulled away, shocking Hawke into silence as the man used the link to speak with Astria.

Then just as suddenly Astria heard Hawke encouraging her,   _Screw it. Fuck the man._

_You are the most ass-backwards man I have ever met, do you know this?_

_You adore me. Now go fuck him before I change my mind,_ With that Hawke closed the link, cutting both himself and Fenris off from her. 

"Let me guess, Hawke?"

"There are days where I swear that man is so ass-backward, I seriously wonder how he functions at all." Cullen chuckled and shook his head as she said that. Then she told him what Hawke had said and he smiled while she giggled. 

"I would you know," Cullen said as he ran his fingers along her cheek and throat. "I would take you over and over, filling you until you couldn't walk the next day," His fingers slid to the back of her neck, "I would make you beg for more until you were screaming my name to the heavens." He placed both hands on her sides and leaned forward to whisper in her ear, and noted that she shivered with desire. "I would leave my scent all over you, so everyone knows who you belong to. So they know that you are _mine_." He growled as she felt another shiver run through her as he pressed himself against her.

 _"Cullen..."_ She whimpered as he buried his nose in her neck. She was pretty sure he was doing this to get her bothered, and he was succeeding. "Cullen please..." She continued to whimper as she heard him chuckled. 

"I won't do that tonight. But I will do this," He told her as he pulled away long enough to remove a bracer and glove before he stole her lips with his as his hand found her most sensitive area. Before she knew what was truly happening she was blinded by white as she felt herself release the tension in her lower belly that had been building up as she moaned into their kiss. "That was only a taste," he told her as he pulled away, leaving her shaking as she slowly came down from the high he had sent her spiraling into. As she came out of it, there was only one thing on her mind: She wanted more and he knew it.

****

Astria sat on her chair in her cabin completely lost as of to how and when she had returned to it, but if she had to guess the cause of it, the answer would most likely be Cullen. Tapping her foot on the ground, Astria felt the need to throw something overcome her and it wasn't because of Cullen, quickly thinking over the names of the people who had come into her life since that fateful day, one stood out the most and her foot stopped moving as she sent out a wave of energy undetectable to most and received the shock of a lifetime when a pulse, just as familiar to her as her own energy, came back.  _Is that?_

 _Go!_ The Spirit told her swiftly,  _That is your longtime friend, she is searching for you and being chased by demons. Hurry!_

Not caring if anyone saw her, Astria threw on her cloak and tore out of her cabin. Flew past Em who called out for her, before following with Cassandra and two others tailing after her; she fully ignored Cullen who called out her name. She ignored them all as the only person she cared about in that moment of time was in full on danger and the need to protect her closest of friends had overtaken any normal human thoughts she had once had. As she ran, she barely heard the sounds of Em and the others as they came chasing after her. She heard someone calling out to her about the fallen tree that she clearly saw ahead of her as she continued to bolt through the forest. They watched as Astria leapt towards it, left hand soon splayed upon it as her legs came flying over it and landed and continued running without missing a beat. "How in the?!" Cullen asked as Em wondered the same thing before she felt it and gasped. 

"Good question but we will figure it out later, DEMONS!" She hollered as she bolted after Astria with a renewed vigor, as did the others along with Cullen and the soldiers he had called to follow him. When they arrived at where Astria now was, they watched as she force blasted several demons away from a young woman with fiery colored hair the exact opposite of Astria's unique purple, blue and light blue hair, then saw Astria call forth a barrier of pure fire that encircled the other woman as the woman called out Astria's name, but apparently Astria could no longer hear her. 

Astria knew what was needed to stop these demons, and called forth her Animal Matron who was swift to answer with a roar to rival a dragon as technically it **_WAS_** a dragon just not one that those of Thedas were used to seeing. They had never seen a dragon appear out of a smokey substance before, but they could feel the heat of the flames as it exhaled a strange almost blue fire which missed Astria as she continued concentrating on protecting herself and whoever was behind her. The demons screeched but were soon silenced, then they heard the voice of the dragon as it-no _SHE_ -spoke. _"Release your spell, my loyal follower. Your enemies lie defeated and turned to ash."_ As the dragon spoke everyone watched as Astria released the barrier which vanished as the Fiery haired woman stood. But then they noted that Astria had strange glowing markings upon her skin which did not vanish. 

"Astria...is that your?"

"It is," Astria answered the woman who spoke, "This is my Matron, Sero, the Queen of Skies." Everyone stared at the dragon who looked nothing like the dragons of Thedas at all. Her eyes, the same sapphire color as Astria's eyes were, sat inside and angular skull, and gave the great beast an almost terrifying look which was only added to by the two large horns that almost curved back, though not enough to mimic the look of the horns of a ram; the dragon's nose was pointed with two small curved nostrils and they all saw two pointed teeth that barely poked out from the top lips, which gave the hint that more teeth were hiding under the lips; they saw a lean neck running down from its head and into a long body that was covered by warped scales with an armored ridge running along her spine; the belly of the dragon was covered in rounded scales and was lighter in color than the rest of her body. They saw that her legs, being four in number, were thick enough to carry her body and allowed her to stand sturdy and tall. Each of the limbs ended in four digits, each ending in obsidian claws that could be mistaken for blacked bones. On either side of her body, enormous wings started from her shoulders and ended at her hips; they were bat-like, in appearance and the membranes of the wings were the same color as the dragon's belly and each "finger"  ended in the same obsidian bone as her talons; At the point where the fingers of the wing met there was a singular claw in the same color as the others. But it was the dragon's tail that captured the attention, as it ended in a sharp almost arrowhead tip that was like its talons, wing tips, and horns, while the rest of the tail followed the same color scheme as its body. Everyone studied the color of the dragon and noted that she was a dark blue, with light blue underbelly and wing membranes. She had odd black markings, two of which were upon her eyes, some were upon her feet and back legs (up to her heels), while the rest were sharp lines that jutted out from a large black line that went from between her horns down to the tip of her tail; and somehow they knew that before them stood true royalty.


	14. Thirteen

A month would pass since Astria's Matron had made herself known, and had died after gifting her power to Astria (after another dragon had attacked Sero) now truly making Astria an extremely powerful mage. The fiery-haired woman who had been Astria's former best friend was only there long enough (as the spell she had used was wearing away fast) to deliver the message of their world having come to a complete end as the supervolcano that had been asleep for thousands of years under their favorite national park had finally decided to blow its top when it had been least expected. But now as Astria sat on her bed in her cabin, she was lost to her thoughts as she stared blankly at her wall, then she felt it suddenly hit her like a train that had finally derailed after having been going to fast for too long. The quill she had been holding slipped from her grasp, and she found it almost impossible to breathe; she felt tears well up as her arms wrapped around her legs as she pulled them up to rest her forehead on her knees as she came to finally realize that everything and everyone she had ever known and loved was gone. Her Matron Sero, her grandfather, everyone, even her parents were just gone. Unable to fight back the tears any longer, Astria just let them fall as she began to sob. Lifting her head up to look towards her staff, that she had had since this had all began she wondered if that strange man had known what was going to happen to their world and had given the staves and amulets to Val and her for that particular reason. Looking towards the paper she had been drawing on, Astria no longer felt like drawing whatever it was she had been drawing, and so crumpled it up and flung it across the room as far away from her as she could manage. Closing her eyes she sat there for several moments, praying, wishing that _SOMETHING_ would happen, but nothing did. Standing Astria took her quill to her desk and set it down next to the journal she had been using to write things down in but when she was halfway across the room to sit back down on her bed she found that her feet had become like lead and would not move no matter how badly she wanted them to. 

And that was exactly the way Em found her. Standing in the middle of her cabin, staring at the floor, with a look that screamed how broken Astria felt. Coming to her side and embracing Astria, she felt the young woman bury her face into her shirt and held her as Astria sobbed. "Oh sweetheart, I wish there was something I could do for you..." Em said as she wrapped her arms around Astria and held her securely in her embrace. "You've suffered so much that you should be suffering anymore. Fate truly is a cruel mistress." Em could not imagine what Astria was feeling, nor could she find any another way to comfort the woman besides holding her as her sorrow made itself known. "I wish she wasn't so cruel to you." Em held Astria until no more tears could be shed from Astria's eyes, she released Astria after a while but remained until Astria fell asleep a few moments later. Sighing, Em left Astria's cabin, ordered the two soldiers stationed at the entrance to allow no one into the building (Not even the Commander) and went to go sit with her companions at the fire. 

"How is she?" Varric asked as Em sighed. He was greatly concerned for Astria's well being as for the entire past month Astria just hadn't been herself at all. 

"She is still the same. I wish there was something I could do to lessen the pain she feels," Em said as she looked to Varric, "But I believe that this is something not even she can recover from."

"There must be something we can do," Cassandra frowned.

"I am afraid not Seeker," Solas spoke up as everyone looked towards him, "She must recover in her own time. What she had just been through, it is not easy on the soul. The spirit who lingers with her is working hard to keep Astria from spiraling down into true despair, but only Astria can recover herself," Solas looked into the fire. "We can nudge her in the right direction, but it must be Astria who comes back to us and it must be of her own choice." 

"What happens if she doesn't?"

"She will forever be stuck in the cycle of Despair, and the Spirit will become a Demon." 

No one wanted that but despite their best efforts Astria just didn't seem to be recovering and on the day that the breach was finally closed, she chose to hide away from the festivities that were going on.  _Please, This one is worried about you._

_I'm sorry Spirit, but it may be best you leave me before you are dragged too far into my hopelessness._

_If that is your wish. I am sorry we have to part in this way, but I would have had to leave eventually as the other one draws near. Be safe, Astria._ With that the Spirit left, leaving Astria alone in her mind forever and Astria turned and began to walk away from where she had been watching the celebrations. 

 _It is better this way, isn't it? I cannot corrupt Compassion with my despair and I can be alone for a while._ Astria thought as she stopped at the gates. It felt odd for her to no longer have Lyra around, but it was for the better and was much safer for the both of them. Astria saw Cullen standing and talking with several soldiers and frowned. 

_Astria?_

_Yeah?_

_What's going on sweetheart? You've been awfully quiet over there, and I just felt Lyra disappear._

_It's nothing, Hawke. I just need some time to myself is all._

She could tell he didn't believe her, but nor did he push it.  _Alright, when you're ready to talk just give me a nudge and I will listen._

 _I will, I promise._ She told him as he closed his end of the link and she did the same. She needed to be alone with her thoughts, but as she watched Cullen interacting with his men, she sighed before looking away. Right now she felt a broken and as useless as a stuffed animal that had been abandoned on a dirt road and left to rot away to the weather's desire.  _I'm not someone he needs...He needs someone who can make him happy... I can't do that, at least... not anymore._ Astria closed her eyes and turned away to walk towards her cabin. She did not know that he had dismissed his men and had turned just in time to see her turn and walk away; as he watched her, he felt the sudden urge to go to her overwhelm him, yet as he began his trek to her, he was instantly pulled aside by the Herald who wanted to speak with him. He could smell that the Herald was in Heat, yet he had no interest in her. He could also tell that she had had a few drinks and so politely excused himself, but when he arrived at where Astria had been, she was already gone. Frowning, he figured to find her in her cabin and was correct in his guess as she was sitting on her bed, forehead on her knees, arms crossed on her legs and he frowned. 

"Astria?" He questioned quietly as he entered. 

"Shouldn't you be enjoying the party?"

"I find I'm not much of a party-goer. Why aren't you out there?" He asked as she sighed and placed her cheek on her knees as she stared at the blank wall to her right. 

"Because I have no reason to celebrate," She told him as he sat on the edge of her bed. "How can I when I've lost everything I once knew all in a single day?" 

"What about Lyra?"

"Gone."

"You sent her away didn't you?"

"It was for the better, at least this way she wouldn't be a risk to become a demon because of me." Astria closed her eyes as she fought back tears. Cullen could tell that the news of her worlds destruction and the death of her Animal Matron had hit her harder then anyone had dared to think. "I've been...debating on leaving."

"What?! Why?" He questioned upon hearing her words.

"There's really no reason for me to stay is there?" She asked as she opened her eyes and lifted her head, only to keep her gaze fixed on her knees. "The breach is closed and the hunt for whoever caused it won't need my magic." 

"Where would you go?"

"Probably back to Kirkwall, spend a bit of time there to see everyone before going off to find Hawke," Astria shrugged. "I won't be needed here anymore, I'll just be a burden to everyone, besides I'm used to moving around, never staying in one place for too long." She told him as he felt what he could swear was his heartbreaking.

"Astria, you're not a burden. What makes you think you would be?"

"I just know I would be. It's just...How I am..." At those words Cullen realized something. 

"Astria, look at me," he told her softly, but when she didn't move, he sighed and, using his hand, he forced her to look at him. "You've been hurt more then you dare to say or let on haven't you?" She pulled away but her silence said what she did not, and he knew he had his answer. "Astria..." Stand Cullen moved to where he could sit closer to her and pulled her into his lap. "You are not a burden, and you never will be," He began as he wrapped his arms around her. "Everything bad that has happened to you has been completely out of your control and its fine." He told her softly as she buried her face into the fur around his shoulders. He could feel how badly she was shaking from holding back her sobs and just held her. "It's alright Astria. You can cry, even if you're tired of it, just let it out." And she did. She was absolutely sick of crying, yet being held there in his strong, gentle and caring embrace? She found she couldn't fight it anymore and just let the floodgates open while he tightened his arms around her while he cradled her in his arms. 

She believed herself too broken for him, yet he seemed to always be able to put her back together with just some simple words and a gentle touch as if he knew what she needed when she needed it. And right now seemed to be one of those moments, even as she sobbed her eyes out, letting her grief flood over her, he remained. She felt something and just knew it was Lyra as the Spirit wrapped its own form of embrace around her soul.  _You were always meant for him. His soul is the twin to your soul. He is the one that you truly need._

_Why did you come back Lyra?_

_Because you need this one too. Not the same way you need the lion, but you this one as well. I can heal your pain as much as he and the other one will be able to. You need your friends._ It was with Lyra's return that Hawke opened his side of the link and sent his own form of love to her.

 _She is right, my Astria, you need us, all of us. Your world and old life may have been stolen from you by fate. But this is your home now, and we as your friends are your family now. Don't push us away, let us help you like you've helped us._ Hawke told her in the tone of voice that spoke of how much he loved her.  _We will never push you away like your old family did, we don't see you as unworthy._

 _Hawke's right, Astria,_ Fenris spoke through the bond,  _We are here for you. All you have to do is call for us and we will come no matter how far away we are from you._

Astria's sobs slowly subsided while Cullen continued to hold her. She knew they were right, all four of them. her old life had been taken away for a reason and she was sure that the reason was so that she could really start living this new one she had been given. Yet she was still just a human, the last pure human on Thedas. 


	15. Fourteen

It seemed to Astria that for as long as she would live, she would see nothing but tragedy. Or at least she thought she would as this time it was Haven that was attacked. Not a day would pass after the breach was closed before they were attacked and now Astria found herself in the Healer's tent in some random place in the middle of the mountains and tending to those that had been wounded in the attack. When she was finally able to escape it was because one of the other healers offered to take over so she could rest and regenerate some of her mana, and now she was walking around the camp to keep warm. Granted she knew sitting by a fire would be better for her, but she was restless. She felt someone watching her, but chose to ignore them as she came to a stop; for several moments she stood in that spot looking out over the snow-covered land before turning and heading back towards the healer's tent. On her way there, she was forced to stop as she watched two children run across her path and felt a stab run through her heart before sighing and continuing on her way as someone came up to and was walking with her. "They don't realize just how lucky they are, do they?"

"The children?" The person, being Cullen, inquired as she nodded. 

"As a child, it's easy to ignore things, to not be bothered by everything that bothers us as the adults," Astria stopped and Cullen stood at her side. "Children... they can't comprehend the fact that all around us exists the evidence of death. Unlike us, they can look at a deceased person and to them, they just think the person is just...sleeping." Cullen said nothing, he didn't need to as he knew she was right. "Being a child is much easier then it is being an adult," Astria shook her head, "but most children that I know of are in such a rush to grow up that they let their childhood slip by them without even a flicker of hope." 

"It sounds like you know what that experience is like," Cullen commented as she frowned and looked towards the snowy ground. 

"Because I do," She admitted so faintly that he had to look at her to make sure he heard her right. "I never had a childhood. I wasn't allowed one. My sister was, but I wasn't and even if I did have just a little bit of time to be a child, I don't remember it." Cullen looked away from her as his mind dragged him away to that rainy day he had met with her and had just sat with her on the window seat. Then it transferred him to a year later from that day to another rainy day.

_Cullen walked into the library in search of Astria only to discover her sitting in her usual spot for rainy days. The windows were once more flung open, allowing the clean scent of the rain and the earthy scent of the dirt, as well as the scent of some blossoming flowers, to glide into the room like a ship would glide across the water of the sea (which he could also detect the salty sea air as well as it snuck itself into the mixture of the scents in the air). "Mind if I join you?" He inquired as she shook her head, never once turning away from the outside._

_"Not at all," she replied as he came and took the spot he had that day he had first met her. As he sat a calm breeze picked up and waved her scent over to him and he inhaled deeply. She smelled of berries, raspberries to be exact, lavender and somehow she also smelled of tea which was new to him as he had never crossed paths with anyone that smelled of all three of those things before. Turning to look outside, he watched as the rain fell and was pleasantly surprised at how calm it made him feel. He glanced towards Astria and saw that she was now resting her head against the wall and would have assumed her asleep if she hadn't spoken. "It's so strange."_

_"What is?"_

_"This," She waved her hand briefly, "I'm so used to being surrounded by other humans that are just that. Purely human, then somehow I come to Thedas and all of a sudden I'm the only person, most likely in all the world, who is purely human and surrounded by those who aren't. Part of me is screaming that I shouldn't feel safe, that I should be trying to find my way back to where I am from."_

_"But?"_

_"I don't want to. Here," She opened her eyes, "I feel safe. Protected, even. To where, where I came from, I never once felt that way." Cullen looked at her._

_"How did you feel?"_

_"Like someone had stolen my soul from here and threw me over to that other place without a care how I would feel about it."_

_"Have you told Hawke?"_

_"I did, but then he started rambling on about something which swiftly lost my interest. It did get me to thinking though, and with me, thinking can go one of two ways: I can come up with some interesting or crazy ideas or I can start overthinking and drive myself into depression."  Cullen almost flinched at that last part._

_"What was the thought you had on it."_

_"This will make me sound crazy but I honestly think that it is possible that my soul is from here."_ _Cullen furrowed his brows at that as he thought that over while she turned  her gaze to him, "Hear me out?" She asked as he nodded._

_"From what I've been able to gather, souls from this world, upon death, are said to return to the Maker's side correct?"_

_"If they are worthy of it."_

_"What if, and this is a really big what if, just what if my soul had lost its way or had been chosen to go somewhere else due to whatever actions it had done in its previous life? Honestly, the "getting lost" part sounds more like something I would do as I am slightly challenged in the directional sense."_ _Cullen let that theory roll around in his mind for a moment, as well as made a mental note to keep an eye on her if he was with her in some place where it would be possible for her to get lost. But her theory did prove probable as they couldn't say what happened after death._

****

Em walked around the grounds of Skyhold, the grand fortress that Solas had seen in the Fade, and was looking for Astria who had just seemingly just "upped and vanished". Spotting Cullen leaning over a table she made her approach and went to speak with him as it was likely he knew where everyone's favorite Spirit Healer Human had gone. "Cullen?"

"Inquisitor?" he asked as he looked over at her.

"Have you seen Astria?" 

Cullen stood straight and frowned, "I haven't seen her since yesterday after you took up being Inquisitor and met with Hawke." 

As if speaking about the man had summoned him, Hawke appeared and smiled, "She's in the garden with Fenris," He told them both as they watched him. 

"What are they doing there?" 

Hawke smiled, "Setting up a few things for beehives. If its one thing my Astria knows best, its how to keep the plants of a garden alive, but I would also recommend you let her have her way with it as you will find out what all she can do with it." Hawke turned and made to head towards the garden. 

"Wait? I thought she was just a normal spirit healer?" Em frowned as Hawke stopped briefly.

"Inquisitor, before she came here to our world she worked in a greenhouse and nursery for plants. Trust me she knows her plants and how to care for them. Now, are you both coming? I'm sure by the time we get there Astri will be busy with showing the Chantry sisters a thing or two about the plants." And he was right, the moment they arrived in the gardens Astria was teaching a few Chantry sisters about the different types of climbing plants and what would be best for them to grow on. 

"Try planting the roses over by the gazebo, This particular type loves to climb and we have yet to plant anything over there." Astria pointed a Sister towards the gazebo as another approached her about what could be assumed was most flowers. "The Lilacs? Plant them in the planters at the entrance to the gazebo. The scents of both plants when in bloom will mix together perfectly and will blend in well with the other flowers." 

"Okay," The Sister left to do as bid and Em, along with Cullen, were surprised to see how Astria was.

Hawke smiled at them both, "Told you."

"Lady Astria!" 

"Yes?" She asked as she turned to see another Sister coming up, she listened as the issue of where to put the large planters for the herbs that Em was sure to get eventually came up and frowned as she looked around. Instructing them on where to put the planters, the Sister nodded and went to instruct the soldiers who were helping in the garden as well. Astria was in her element here, 

"Well..." Em started as Hawke and Cullen looked to her, "I was looking for her to ask her to see if she couldn't do something with the garden, but apparently she's already one step ahead of me." Hawke laughed at that.

"Astria loves being in a garden," The two looked towards him now, "It's really the only place that is peaceful to her, well outside of those rainy days where she tends to sit on a window seat with the windows open to let in the clean scent of the air into the room," Hawke couldn't help but smile even as the cry of the Gyrfalcon sounded as the bird came down to land on Astria's shoulder. They watched her greet the bird, kiss its forehead, and returned to work while it remained perched there, looking around as if it was her guardian in some form. But suddenly she looked Skyward towards the east, and Hawke became alert as well.  _Astria?_

_He's here?_

_Who is here?_

_Someone I never thought would still be alive, nor to find his way here._ Like that she cut the link, gently told her Falcon to take to the sky, before she turned and ran to the stables where her mare was.

"ASTRIA!" Hawke called after her as he, Em and Cullen gave chase only to stop at the gates as she and her horse left Skyhold as if demons were on her ass. 


	16. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic of the Animal Gods Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see this chapter is a part one of two. Shit's about to get real.

Astria heard Hawke calling out after her, but she ignored him as her mare flew out of Skyhold, over the bridge and raced along the ground while taking the turns as Astria nudged her. They would slow down so the horse wouldn't overexert herself and would stop for an hour every so often so the horse could rest but then they would continue until they arrived where they needed to. "Go back to Skyhold," She told the beast who snorted before it left. She felt her magic rearing, felt Lyra disappear and scrunched her face up in anger.  _The one I can't save._ She thought as she felt Sero's power, or rather her power now, rise to overtake her own magic; this person she was now running towards was the one person in any world who not only couldn't be saved but who was intent on killing Astria for no reason at all, or rather for the simple reason of He believed that he was god's gift to women and had demanded that Astria bend to his will, when she had refused he had become intent on killing her as "women who won't bow to men are worthless" and Astria felt her anger rising as she remembered his idiotic words. As she ran, the memory of when she and this man had first met came haunting back, all while Hawke, Em, and several others left Skyhold to come chasing after her.

_Astria and Val sat at their local nightclub and were having to shout over the music just to speak to each other, but that really didn't bother them as they laughed and giggled. They had decided to come here for Val to "get lucky", and Astria had only tagged along so her friend wouldn't do something decidedly stupid and go to a strange man's house. Astria had decided to lead her "unlucky" and rather drunk friend out to the truck, and drive her home and was in the process of getting a now passed out Val buckled up when she felt someone coming up behind her. Not sure of the person's intentions, Astria reached into the area between the driver's seat and where Val sat now and pulled out the firearm her grandfather had given her for her eighteenth birthday. Making sure the gun, or rather the pistol, was loaded, She got down calmly, complaining about Val's drunk ass, before whipping around and holding the barrel of the pistol to the person's face. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Astria demanded as the man, as she could clearly see in the streetlight stopped with wide eyes._

_"What the fuck do you think YOU'RE doing? Put down that weapon before you hurt yourself, little girl," The man teased her as she smirked dangerously._

_"You think your smart do you?" Astria asked as she watched him carefully with eyes narrowing. Sero, her Matron, had warned her of the man that stood there, had warned Astria that this was a follower of the only Vampire Bat that dared to offend Sero every chance he had and was soon going to lend her power to Astria if it was needed._

_"Well, well, I sense that pitiful dragoness's power surrounding you. you must be the woman named Astria. Why don't you leave your truck and friend behind and come with me."_

_"You can go fuck yourself."_

_"Now now, that's no way to treat the man who will be taking you as his wife."_

_"Now that's just funny because I don't ever plan on giving myself over to an idiot like you. Now piss off and go find another winged rat to play with."_

_"YOU DARE INSULT MY PATRON!" He demanded with rage as Astria smiled before a wave of energy passed her and sent the man flying. Blinking Astria turned to see Val waking up._

_"Astria, let go home before I lose my temper with this idiot," She rubbed at her eyes as the power of her Patron flowed in her own markings. Unlike Astria's markings which glowed three or four different shades of blue, Val's markings glowed with the fury of the sun itself._

_"Alright," Astria said as she walked around to the driver's side and hopped in. Closing the door, she buckled up but the man seemed to be persistent and yanked open the door to her truck on her side._

_"I was PROMISED you and your body bitch! Your parents did not agree to this for no reason."_

_"Oh yes they did,"  Astria felt fury rising, but it was for not as suddenly someone else came up and yanked the man away by the collar of his shirt._

_"Hey bat-boy, they told you to bug off," A man around Astria's age spoke up as Astria and Val looked at him._

_"Woof," Val whispered as she studied the young man who looked into the vehicle._

_"You ladies alright?" He inquired as Astria nodded while Val drooled on herself. His eyes were a sea-green and Astria swore she had seen him somewhere before. "Astria?!" he asked as he recognized her._

_"Krobor?" Astria finally recognized the man as Val looked to her._

_"Good to see that you are still alive! Hey, mind sticking around while I go put the dumbass bat where he belongs?"_

_"Not at all," Astria smiled at her longtime friend. As Krobor put the "bat" in his place, Astria turned to Val and smiled and explained who Krobor worshipped._

_"Well, he's a hunk of meat if I've ever seen one."_

_"Val, I think you're drooling, but I hate to tell you, he's into men only," Astria sighed as she closed her door before Krobor joined them and hopped into the backseat of her four-door._

_"Mind dropping me off at my Boyfriend's place?" he asked as she smiled._

_"Not at all, it's the least I could do for you for saving me from beating that man to a pulp." Astria nodded as Val smiled at him._

Astria frowned as she remembered that that hadn't been the last time she had seen the dipshit bat worshipper. No, he had begun to stalk her everywhere she had gone, but now Astria was sick of his bullshit. She would not let him ruin this world that she was happy in. She would either kill him, or he would kill her, but either way one would die and the other would most likely suffer several injuries for it and Astria had no plans to die this night.


	17. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic of the Animal Gods Part 2

Hawke was running to get to Astria. Even though he had wings, running to her was the only thing he was doing as he tried to focus on her. When he, Fenris, Varric, Em and three others finally reached the end of the path they saw that Astria and whoever she was facing off against had already entered combat, "THERE!" Fenris called out as everyone turned to see Astria defending herself with barrier after barrier before she turned the battle around and went on the offensive. They watched as she finally remembered that she had the training to be able to shapeshift into different animal forms and did so, though the form she chose was an ebony she-wolf while the man she fought against became a large brown colored bear. They watched as Astria launched herself at him only to somehow be thrown through the air and hit the ground with a force that caused her to yelp before her magic dissipated into nothingness and she went rolling back as a human. As she attempted to stand, they saw the man become a man again and slowly made his way towards her with a look in his eyes that Hawke, Varric, and Fenris all recognized; But before they could move to save her the man spoke. "You are weak without that worthless dragoness backing you up," He was grinning now, "It's sad really. My Patron could have given you everything, I could have given you everything."

"You can burn in hell," Astria bit back while she knelt in pain, a hand on her side which was bleeding heavily. They watched the man stop before Astria and suddenly she was lifted off the ground as he used a single hand to lift her up and began to strangle her. As she struggled to breathe, she barely heard a roar as suddenly, Fenris leapt towards them. The man released her and jumped back while she hit the ground; as she made to lift herself up she heard Hawke call out to her before the man was helping hold her up. "Garr?" She asked as he studied her injuries.

"You honestly thought I wouldn't come after you?" He inquired as she leaned against him. 

"I figured you would..." She weakly told him as he saw just how deep some of her wounds were. She closed her eyes for a brief moment as Hawke allowed her to lean against him. When she opened her eyes it was due to the fact that the man was speaking but her vision was starting to blur.

"So bitch you have a werewolf at your beck and call."

"Do not dare to address her!" Astria looked to the werewolf to see snowy white fur with glowing blue markings. 

 _Fenris?_ She questioned as the creature turned his head enough to look at her with one eye.

 _I made you a promise, Astria, and I intend on keeping it. You need to rest, I will take care of this person._ Fenris responded as he turned to face the offending man. Astria closed her eyes as her body began to sag against Hawke as the man pulled her closer. She opened her eyes again but this time it was too see Em in her were-creature form and noted that she looked exactly like a panther. She barely heard whatever Em said as Astria soon closed her eyes and passed out as bloodloss tried to steal her away from the physical world. 

****

"Astria?" Hawke asked as he felt the link he shared with her start to fade. He tried to contact her through it, but she didn't respond at all. "Astria?!"

"Hawke, what's wrong?" Em inquired as the body of the now dead man blazed in a fire. 

"I don't know," He responded, "Astria isn't responding to me." 

Em's attention was captured by the coppery scent of blood then. Looking over her friend Em's eyes went wide, "Her wounds! She's lost too much blood!" Em gasped as Hawke looked to her in fear. "We need to get her back to Skyhold! Solas might be able to still save her!"

"Fenris! Come hold her!" Hawke pleaded with the Elf who soon knelt down and pulled her against his body while Hawke stood and called forth his half-beast form. Once his transformation was complete he held out his arms for Astria, who was swiftly given to him and held her tightly against him. "I will fly her there, it will be the quickest way," he told them as Em nodded her understanding. Spreading his ebony wings, Hawke took to the sky and pleaded with her to stay with him. When he arrived in Skyhold, he landed swiftly and called out for the healers as Cullen came rushing out of his office to see what the commotion was about, only to stop and stare at the fact that Astria was gravely injured. Hawke would take her to her room, which was above the garden, but despite the best efforts of the other healers and Solas, Astria was just too weak. For a full week, Hawke would sit holding her against his body as tears welled up in his eyes while he pleaded with her to come back to him. Eventually, Fenris took his place as Hawke had to leave with the Inquisitor to head to a place known as Crestwood to do a few things there. While Hawke and Fenris did those things, Varric had to write some heart-breaking letters to the others that knew her. When Hawke returned Astria's status was still the same and he found himself at her bedside brushing some hair out of her face when an idea struck him. Looking towards Astria's "ritual" Items, he looked back towards the young woman and his mate before walking over, snatching up the items and left to seek out an area where he could call upon her Animal Matron as he recalled her words that described the power of those types of creatures.

_"The Animal Gods of my world cannot "die" in the same sense that we can so long as they have at least one worshipper alive."_

_And you are her one worshipper, Astria. Your Matron still lives I just know it._ Hawke thought to himself as he slipped out of the grounds of Skyhold and began to seek out a place to start the ritual she had shown him so long ago. As he walked he came across a cave that was huge and cautiously entered. Looking outside he figured this place would be the best area to call upon her matron, and soon set up the items he had with him the way Astria had instructed him to. Sitting down he lit an "incense" stick and placed it into the holder, but as soon as he was done with that, he found that the scent that came from it reminded him of Astria and the moment he closed his eyes, he dropped off the face of the world and into a "dream" like one where he heard the beating of wings at the entrance of the cave. He sat with eyes still closed and awaited word for the God-like being to speak to him before moving. Its talons "clicked" on the ground before it came to a complete stop and addressed him.

 _"So you are one of the so-called Maker's children. I have been waiting a long time to meet you, Garrett Hawke, caretaker for my chosen follower. Rise and face me. I would speak with you face to face."_ Doing as bid, Garrett stood and turned to face the great beast before him as the creature lay; what he saw before him left him in awe of the mighty being and as his eyes trailed from her tail to her face, he had no words to express what he saw but the moment he met her eyes, he knew exactly who this was. The dragoness opened her mouth just enough to show her sharp teeth and he felt his heart stop for a moment,  _"I am Sero, Queen of the Skies. Tell me, little hawk, do I frighten you?"_

 _"Yes, ma'am..."_ Garrett barely managed to squeak out as Sero rumbled out a laugh.

 _"Only one has never been afraid of me, and that one is my chosen dragonling,"_ The dragoness's mouth closed once more,  _"Why do you seek me?"_ Garrett quickly explained the situation and Sero's eyes narrowed dangerously,  _"So the flying rat seeks to insult me one last time by trying to steal my child from me?"_ Sero looked outside towards the direction of Skyhold, where Astria lay weak.  _"Listen well, little Hawk, for I will say this only once,"_ Sero turned her gaze back to Hawke,  _"I will reveal the location to Xolvudor's shrine that was built by his former follower, go there and challenge that winged rat. When the time is right during your battle, I will lend you my power temporarily. Destroy him in my name and my chosen one will awaken once more."_ With that Garrett felt a sudden knowledge fill his mind and watched as the Dragoness stood.  _"We shall see if you truly care for Astria."_ Sero walked out of the area and took to the skies once more as Hawke was suddenly shot back into his physical form and found himself gasping for air. He knew what he had too do, and he would be damned if he didn't do it even if Astria bitched her head off at him for it.


	18. Seventeen

Garrett stopped back at Skyhold only briefly to see to Astria once more. He felt Em and Cullen watching him, but ignored them as he spoke to Astria. "...I must do as she bid me... For you Astri," he told the slumbering woman as he leaned forward and placed a kiss upon her forehead. Turning Hawke looked towards Em and spoke, "Keep her alive for as long as possible," Then turning to Cullen, he spoke again. "When she awakens, I do care how stubborn she is, keep her here." And just like that he walked out of the room outside to the courtyard of Skyhold and after transforming he leapt into the sky and took off in the direction of the "shrine". The whole way there, as the land zipped by below him, all he dared to think of was saving Astria, that and ending the creature that had become the reason she would not awaken, what he did not know was that as Astria slept, she was dreaming of a former war.

 _Standing on a cliff above a battlefield, Astria felt her heart shatter at the sight before her eyes. Before her lay a field that is littered with destruction, blood and suits. Rivers of red and black were the new colors of what was once a serene, lush field, that had become one of the many stages of a tragic worldwide war. Eyes wide as the rain fell, Astria absorbed it all in from the dead and wounded, which were abundant and lay in heaps around the field, to the faces of the fighters whose boots pounded upon the ground as their adrenaline rushed through their bodies, as they began their assault on their enemies, their former brothers and sisters, anew. The air which once carried the delicate scents of flowers and fruits is now nothing more than the barrage of sounds of war cries and the screams of the wounded as the two armies battled it out slaughtering each other without mercy. She witnessed some of the fighters as they succumbed to the fatigue that swept over them and collapsed on the spot. To Astria the toll that this ungodly war was taking would be too much for the human race of her world and neither humanity nor nature would ever fully recover from this war. To her, it was clear that the broken siege engines, blood, and weaponry, broken and whole, have taken the place of the once lush plants, formerly bright and dark green grass, and the once full bushes that now served as kindling for fires._ _Collapsing to her knees Astria wasn't sure why she was witnessing this war that had happened years before her birth, but she saw that the chaos of battle concealed any sense of victory or defeat as one side desperately fought the other without even knowing which one side was the stronger. "Why?" She questioned as tears streamed from her eyes, "Why are you showing me this? What is the point?"_ _She questioned the creature that landed behind her._

_"Because my dragonling, you need to see the truth of war. You need to witness the carnage that comes from being human." The voice belonged to Sero who watched Astria as the young woman closed her eyes while her tears refused to cease. "Your world paid a heavy price for this last war. One that destroyed many once beautiful places and cost many people their lives."_

_"But why show me? I can't do anything to stop the nature of humans..."_

_"I know, but you can learn from it. War is coming to Thedas, what your friends and future mate are going to experience during the reign of this Inquisition? That will be just a minor battle compared to what is coming." Sero watched as Astria looked to her, sapphire eyes filled with tears that had yet to shed._

_"What...What should I do?" She asked with her voice quivering._

_Sero lowered her head and touched the area where the young woman's heart was, "The only thing you can, my child, wait."_

_"Sero..." Astria gasped then as she saw the dragon seemingly start to fade away. "SERO! What's happening to you?!"_

_"Your caretaker...Has finally defeated the bat... I gave him my word that you would awaken... But I need... one last thing from you...dragonling..." Sero said as she grew weaker._

_"Anything..." Astria swore her heart couldn't break anymore then what it was but oh was she wrong. Her hands trembled as she touched the muzzle of her Matron while tears began again._

_"Take my place... become the new Queen of Skies... Accept the power I have given to you... You who are human... will remain that way... until the true threat to Thedas... leaves the Inquisition..."_

_"I... accept..." Astria said as the area around her faded away as Sero closed her eyes, this time for good. Astria felt and watched the dragon vanish and lowered her hands to her lap as her eyes closed._

A few moments later, Astria found her eyes slowly opening to see that she was in her room and groaned as she realized that she was in a bit of pain. "Where?" She managed only to hear Fenris as he spoke.

"Astria! You're awake!" His voice was filled with relief as he smiled down at her with tears in his grassy colored eyes. "We have been so worried about you..." He then proceeded to tell her what had happened and how long she had been asleep for. But then he noted how she rested her head on his chest, "Astria?"

"She's gone Fenris... Sero... she... she's gone for good," Fenris wrapped her in his arms and held her as tears slid down her cheeks. When Garrett returned and entered her room to see if she was awake, Fenris told him why she was cuddled up and crying and Hawke's face fell. Approaching the bed he sat down and pulled her into his arms as Fenris hugged them both. Astria had been close to Sero, closer then most people would have liked to believe anyone capable of being to a creature like the former dragon goddess.


	19. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it has been a while since this was updated (please don't kill me! *runs away and hides*) but I was waiting for the right kind of music to inspire what all transpires in this chapter and in the next one as well. So have a (very) late update.

Astria pulled up the hood of the cloak she wore as she sat outside in her special “alcove” on this freeze your ass off night. The reason why she was sitting outside, on a freezing night, In her special “me-time” area was because she wanted to be left alone and what better area then a small area of the fortress where she KNEW no one (outside of Hawke) would bother her at, due to the fact that it was well hidden from the sight of Cullen’s tower, her room, the tavern and the entrance to the main hall. Curling tighter around herself as she placed her head on her arms that rested upon her knees, she just allowed her mind to blank out as she felt the numbing cold trying to nip at her. Lifting her head she looked towards the sky and frowned as she watched the dark clouds pass over the moons before looking to the stars. She heard someone walking up to her but didn't look to see who it was as she was sure she already knew, "Hey sweetheart." She turned her head and was met by Hawke's golden eyes. She managed to make some room for him to sit next to her and cuddled up to him after he was sitting. He wrapped an arm around her and she rested her head against his shoulder. Hawke kissed her forehead and rested his cheek against the top of her head, "Your Lion is worrying about you."

"He's not my lion." 

"Are you sure about that?" Hawke smiled softly. He knew that something was bothering her, but he also knew that she would talk about it in her own time and so had decided to talk about something that wouldn't upset her too much (Or rather he would _tease_ her about someone). 

"Hawke!" she whined as she buried her face into his shoulder now as he chuckled. "You're horrible!"

"You still love me."

"That's becoming more and more debatable by the day."

"Ouch...I think I actually felt that one." He laughed as she smiled. "But he is worrying. He is a mess since he can't find you."

"I just needed to be alone for a while." 

"I know which is why I waited until nightfall to come find you," The only time Hawke was truly serious was when Astria was feeling down, otherwise he tended to be funny and downright goofy. "I told him that once I found you and spoke with you I would lead you to him." 

"You might end up carrying me," She mumbled as she felt sleepiness overcome her. 

"Do you want me to take you to him now?" 

"Only if you should feel that it is best," She managed before dozing off, earning a soft smile and a tender gaze from her "guardian".

"I think it would be best," He told her sleeping form as he gently lifted her into his arms and carried her out of the alcove and towards Cullen's tower. As he climbed up the steps, Hawke spotted Cullen preparing to leave the tower and called out to him. "Rutherford!" 

Cullen turned his gaze towards Hawke and saw how he was carrying Astria and felt a minor panic set in, "Is she alright?!" 

"Hush!" Hawke managed in a hushed hiss. "She's fine, just sleeping. She fell asleep while we were talking."

"Where did you find her?" Cullen asked as Hawke stopped before him and carefully handed her over. 

"Apparently she has a particularly favorite hiding spot that is well hidden from all view and that's the way it should stay," Hawke commented as he looked to Astria and smiled gently before looking to Cullen. "Take extremely good care of her, Rutherford, as I am leaving her in your hands while I travel with the Inquisitor to the Western Approach. See to it that she comes to no harm or Maker help me you will know suffering like that of which you have never felt before." 

"I will Hawke, of that, you have my word," Cullen nodded before taking the stairs up to his room, to lay her down upon his bed while Hawke watched him walk away. 

 _Make sure you take very good care of her...For something tells me that in the coming days she will need you more than anyone._  

****

Astria was debating with herself on something as she flicked through the pages of one of her books, but even as she debated on what she knew she had to do, she wondered how Hawke would feel about it and wondered if he would be able to withstand the thing she was thinking; sighing, she closed the book she was holding and heard someone walking up to her. "I know that sigh very well from you, what's on your mind?" She looked to see Fenris walking up and looked away before telling him what she needed to do now that Sero was gone and had given her full power to Astria, "And this...Ritual...is deadly?"

"It is," Astria nodded, "it hasn't been attempted in who knows how long because the last person who attempted it was..." She shivered and Fenris frowned. "I don't want to even think of attempting it unless I have an _absolute_  reason to. But something is telling me that I will have the need to do it soon," She watched Fenris as he thought it over carefully. 

"And Hawke?"

"I haven't told him of it, at least not yet. You are the only one outside of me who knows about it right now," She watched as Fenris let that thought roll around in his mind for a few moments, then he spoke. 

"What all would you need for it?"

"Wait...you're just going to  ** _LET_** me do the Ritual?" She blinked as he frowned. 

"Even though it is dangerous, and I don't exactly approve of it, I can't sit by either and let you continue to tear yourself apart as you inwardly debate on what to do," Fenris told her as she looked away, "so again: What do you need for it?" Astria told him and he nodded. "I will gather all of those, you can find the area where you can perform the Ritual."

"I already know of one," She told him as he raised a brow, "however there is a slight issue. It's in Emerald Greaves in the Dales where the Red Templars are likely to be the thickest."

"How did you come to find out about it?"

"I may have done a bit of traveling in the Fade and was lead to it by a spirit."

"We will need to have a talk about that," Fenris frowned as she looked away sheepishly. 

"Lecture me later?" She asked him in a hopeful tone of voice and was relieved to see him nod. 

"Once I gather the items needed, we can head to that place and you can perform the Ritual," He told her as she nodded. "When would you like to head out?"

"A few days after the Inquisitor, Gar and the others return if possible. That way they get at least a little bit of rest before they chase after us as I am sure they will do."

"We know Hawke will, he is your Guardian after all," Fenris reminded her as she nodded her acknowledgment. 

"I know, but I also know he won't be the only one. Cullen, Varric and the Inquisitor will come after us as well."

"You believe the Commander will come after you?"

"I _KNOW_ he will. Have you not noticed the way Cullen has been acting around me recently?"

"I have and I must admit it makes me wary," Fenris sighed before looking back at her, "But he has done no harm to you so I shall leave him be. For now."

"Is that a promise?'

"It is," After he nodded to that, they went their separate ways, though what neither of them expected was that Astria would have to do the Ritual they had been speaking of a lot sooner then what either of them was expecting.


	20. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its been a long time coming, but the muses have not been kind to me with this story. So I’ll just say it now: this story will update whenever the muses allow me to.

Astria looked towards Fenris and nodded before she turned and studied the crystal clear water before her, and closing her eyes while taking in a deep breath to steady her beating heart, she opened her eyes and began to recite the words that were ancient even to her. **_"Celestial Mother and Eternal Father of all gods and goddess, I call to you now, the ever-living creators and protectors of souls, so that you may see with your own eyes the Darkness that has fallen not only this land but upon those that you call your children,"_** She began as she began to focus her magic into creating a powerful "ascension" spell while Fenris focused on keeping the Red Templars at bay. Now she could feel an energy that was not hers joining her power and knew that she had grabbed the attention of the two she was beseeching,  ** _"I plead to you as one of your children, as one of the children of your Draconian daughter hear my voice and know of the Fate that has befallen your most beloved Daughter Sero, the Queen of Skies!"_** As she continued to focus, she was able to drown out the noise of Fenris fighting, but while she was so heavily focused on the spell work she was weaving she missed the fact that she was proven right as Em, Cullen, Hawke, Varric and three others came racing up into the area to see Fenris managing to stand his own against the onslaught of the Red Templars. 

 ** _"FENRIS! ASTRIA!"_** Hawke called out as they helped beat back the rest of the remaining Red Templars, "What in the Maker's name is going on?!" He swiftly inquired and Fenris told them. "What?!" Garrett looked towards his lover who nodded, "She is attempting to do that?!" While Cullen looked beyond the means of shocked, along with Em and the others, they swiftly recovered as Astria began to recite words they had never before heard and as she began speaking MORE Red Templars showed up, this time with Venatori accompanying them. Suddenly Astria felt another energy, this one formerly belonging to Sero, rising from the depths of her soul and knew what was about to happen but the next thing any of them knew, as Astria finished the spell a sudden blast of blinding energy, powerful enough to send the gods of this world reeling, shot forth from where Astria had once stood and all watched as the energy lashed out at the Red Templars. But as more swarmed towards the group that had formerly been protecting Astria, a rain of purple and blue fire pored forth from the sky and burned the Red Templars into ash while not touching any of Astria’s friends or Guardian. Those Red Templars who weren’t burned to a crisp soon turned and fled with their Venatori allies while Astria’s friends and “Guardian” all turned to see Astria collapse as the spell ended. 

“Astria!” Astria heard the voices call out, but with as spent as her magic and energy were, she barely managed to stay awake long enough to see the silhouette of a familiar person as they leaned over her. 

****

Cullen felt the need to pace overcome him but resisted as he waited for any signs of Astria possibly awakening. A full two weeks had passed since she had run off with Fenris to do whatever ritual she had done, a full two weeks had passed since she had used up all of her mana and any reserves she might have built up over the time she had been on Thedas and now it was nothing more then a waiting game; but Cullen wasn’t the only one waiting for Astria to awaken, Hawke and Fenris as well as the others, were all waiting for her to awaken from the slumber she had thrown herself in thanks to the stunt she had pulled. Rubbing his face with his hands, Cullen felt trapped in his office. He would need to find a way to release the pent up energy, but his worry for Astria was affecting both man and beast. His worry was also due to the fact that his beast, a golden maned lion, saw Astria as “his” and thus his worry for her as his mate would, of course, be through the roof. “Hey Curly! You in here?” 

Cullen growled at that nickname, “Where else would I be dwarf.” 

“Now don’t bite off my head, Im only the messenger.” Cullen doubted that but what he said next had Cullen all but leaping to his feet and racing out of the door. “Cuddles is awake, and Hawke is ripping her a new one.” 

“Wouldn’t you?” 

“Yes, but right now she’s in alot of pain and Hawke seems bent on ensuring she doesn’t get away with a small slap on the wrist, but she the first person she was asking for was you.” 

That stopped Cullen’s beast in its tracks as his train of thought derailed. “She asked for me?” 

“Yes, so I figured to get out of Hawke’s way and came to fetch you as soon as she asked.” 

Cullen stood and began to head towards her room, “Then I will see to her immediately. Thank you for telling me, Varric.” 

“Don’t thank me yet, Curly.” The dwarf frowned as he watched the man swiftly vanish. 


End file.
